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Xmas gifts list (Other) by lunar For him:
1)Wings. So he can be free from the tormment of his thoughts.
2)A key. So he can unlock the cage of his mind.
3)Love. So he will not suffer anymore.
For her:
1) A map. So she knows which route she will take next.
2) A tongue. So she can speak what is in her mind.
3) Hope. So she knows these feelings are not in vain.
Up the ladder:
Fool
Down the ladder:
Sleepy Geek
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.72
Posted: December 10, 2002 8:40 AM PST; Last modified: December 10, 2002 8:40 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.7151814 Overall Rank: 1922 Comments:
there's nothing wrong with this poem. i assume the pros are being critical since most have forgotten why they even began to write poetry. it must have been to keep one's nose from dipping into one's beer.
I think the good tidings of the season have boggled your thinking. And the fact that you consider a soap opera gig legitimate artistic work, but journalism and other forms of decent writing a cover up for all the Hollywood boys who rant and rave barfed up Cassady is truly (well) frightening. Are you short like GW. she would have to stand on a chair to kiss me.
And will UPS deliver these things?
Kool poem dude! I think love will bring him suffering tho!
Poetandknowit...hahaha what a brilliant name!...!
Ahh poetandknowit may have a clever name but his mind is as empty as Death Valley.
It depends on the type of love also-it is not the love that brings suffering but when the love goes wrong normally.
Have you ever been to Death Valley? It is far from empty. It is quite a lovely place. The shear vastness of it. Do not use western America in your putrid examples. It is as beautiful place as there is, desert or no desert.
yes ive been there of course it seemed quite vast and empty, boiling hot with a lifeless lake in the middle. But you are right it was incredible to look at, but you must agree it is empty relative to the amount of objects/people in it.
If people are the only things you consider living, then sure. And if the the things people build are the only things you call objects, then yes it would be devoid of both. Thank god. But it is by no means lifeless and by no means empty. You were not perceptive enough.
Im sorry America is an amazing place i had never been somewhere where you can look in all directions and all you could see was dirty sand and where its so hot its almost unbearable - i try to give metaphors but obviously they are nit entirely accurate, i hoped u had not been to D.V so then all you have had was its steriotype.
please, don't ever pigeonhole a person. i write from my observations. i think of stereotypes as hypotheses that need to be disproved. why would you ever assume a poet would accept a stereo type as fact? isn't writing poetry about breaking through the mundane? argh!
i gotta go to the farm and take a hot tub. and then maybe some naked volleyball.
True i know nothing. have fun with the nakedness and the volleyball
Why is the sand dirty? And I could care a less about America. The world is full of beautiful places: duh. We are talking about Death Valley. Are you sure you have been there. Have you ever been to Utah, say Moab to the arches. Would you consider that all vast nothingness. It is mighty sandy and it is blistering hot in the summertime. Pure desert. I think you are ignorant about the desert in general and considering I live in one and for good reason you are offending me and hurting my one and only feeling.
pshaw!
well the sand isnt clean is it? i have been there yes but it was bout 10 years ago. it is the only dessert i have been to annd i didnt stay long as i was on one of those see-it-all trips.
To understand the West you have to live with it. It is in your blood before you know it and that is why you migrate there, to the openness, to the element of lost mystery, to escape. There are always people running from something in the west. I came here with 26 dollars in my pocket and the thought of a girl and I have been hiding ever since. It is here where you can actually understand the pain of silence. The loss and the battle of a frontier. Flux and stillness. Sadness and beauty. You fell small here and understand why you are small. Things never make sense, but somehow in the vastness, you become comfortable with that.
Your first attempt at poetry in too long a span(at least here). Horus and I own the blood, Indian, you can see it reflected in our cheekbones. It is our land truly, as it is yours. You should have seen my son in Sedona, he grew wings.
The land is taken, I know that, but I believe as many Native American who are not in the Casino business that the land is everyone's and no one's at the same time. with this comes ultimate respect. I think this is why those who challenge it, have been hurt by it, killed by it take care of it so. Have you ever seen an avalanche? I did once, backpacking in the middle of nowhere Maroon Bells wilderness area. I was a prude of a 26 PhD student who fancied my bicycles and thought I was immortal (not in the Blade sense). It was at that point, watching that massive thrust and fall and awesome beauty, that I realized how lethal mountains are. It took that long. Since then, I have given plenty of blood, and a couple of teeth, to the land, which I think is a fair trade. Now Hawaii, that is a sad case. Not only did we take it, but also 95 percent is private land. That is not right. I have written plenty of poetry as always. I just stopped posting. It was not getting me anywhere and the feedback was either "oh you are a superstar" or "fuck you", neither of which is much use. So I just send it along to Z and fight with you and Horus here.
I gave up remember?
We are all the same tribe making war over language, belief. It's the Old Story. The blood is the beauty after all. Wounds decry just how much you can survive. Look at me I believe I could outlive the crucifix. Fathers forgive me, Mothers forgive I know these words count for something. I saw ice packed blue from a healthy distance go down the trees buckling like matchsticks. No one made a sound.
do you watch porn, p&k? o\i mean, other than the tapes we made in delaware that time?
No, does that sound like porn? Well only on Skinamax because they have deep plots and no penetration. I must go to the gardens for a parteeeeeee! Have fun at the farm. I will be working later if you are sober.
The four fantastic fucking brilliant magical like a choir of angels singing you to deaf corners. My favorite places. Pueblos and arches and sand and pine and snow and colorado sunsets and vortex and blue like you have never seen and Bryce, those frogs will never let you sleep, they infiltrate your very matter.
It has been my observation that stereotypes are used exclusively for causing harm, the moon would do better, poor girl, no longer Camembert or Brie. I have been to the Death Valley many times. I was caught there on the hottest day on record. We struggled up it's highest peak where we happily froze.
ok ok!! you all live out there and know everything.
I live in Hampshire and know nothing about anything, Just stuggle blindly though life until i fall down a hole! One day i will run off to a place where no one lives and go quietly mad hahaha!
That wouldn't do at all. This is a fine piece of work and I like it a lot, whether that means anything or not I don't know.
I have never seen poetandknowit give praise to any poem, please somebody point me in the right direction. Anyway, I digress, good work 9
poems p&k has praised:
The Thought Of It by Christof, Silenzia della notte by Tintagiles, Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT, this is not love by Bill Z. Bub, satyr by hatters hare, brackish, Missing the In-Between, kindling, Submerged, (mine), and a few of gw's that she deleted....
actually, the way i use the site is to see what's wrong with my poems. i'm looking for criticism on them, except for from settle, from whom i expect zeros 'cause i won't perform oral sex...any way.
i don't want to speak for any body else, but i am looking to improve my writing--looking for criticism, not praise. and you get plenty of crit from ol' p&k.
p&k is alright really, critism is good to bring u back to earth im sure hes lovely in real life (?)
Ta ranger ur greatx
Don't give up. I'm working on it.
give up. he failed. and this poem is shit.
beautiful
lovely, although a can think of an adjustment for me, "love" for him would be my number 1 as im so lonely and without love. by the way, u single? ;)
yeh, wonderful poem, 10! 10! 10! and actually holds a lot of truth
original. strange but original. bsed soley on that a ten.
Sorry to see this poem hasn't been re-edited. She is worthy of so much more. Don't leave her hanging.
i have tried to re-edit it but not posted it coz i dont wanna copy ur version of it but i cant seem to shape the words any better than this! this poem means a lot to me and i dont want to destroy the feelings i had when i wrote it.
Copy my version, it belongs to you. I wrote it in the spirit of your feelings, I'm just older and more experienced than you is all. It was you all along who brought the idea forward. I just edited it. Sometimes other writers can help us express what we feel, there's no shame in that. Take it, it belongs to you, i'll delete my edit. This happens all the time.
yeah and i like it but it still doesnt feel right if you know what i mean! this is my favorite poem i will have another play with it-give me time! im just in a different frame of mind to when i wrote it-so much has changed!
my ass hurts from reading all these comments...thank god i don't have a life.
This is a great piece of writing though it could be argued that its not conformist to poetry, thats why I like it, and the message here. Listen, ignore poetandknowitall he loves to criticize and hates to praise, some us are trying to drag poetry into to the 21st century he's in tights and pants reading anglo saxon poetry, fuck it, keep your individuality, ---9
fake, originality is nothing if it dosent come from the heart and this sounds as if you have tried to use metaphors cleaverly instead of speaking what you treuly feel...therefore the poem is to impress rather than to express your emotion? pah what do i know!
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No?
Butzbach thats where. do you want that? do you?
Think on my dear think on.
For him:
A key
Wings
Love
For her:
A map
A tongue
Hope
So he can be free from the torment
Unlock the cage of his mind
Not suffer anymore.
So she'll know which route to take
Speak her mind.
So she knows these feelings are not in vain.
Just an example. Write it down on paer and play around with it. The material is there, you just have to design the pattern.
you cannot go round with the dillusion that people give you bad marks because they do not like you, maybe it is the quality of your poems that induces the bad marks?
go on, piss somebody off. watch overnight as you get loaded down with zeros. i saw it happen to p&k and it happened to me as well. i used to have 5 in the top 15, then my fanclub ousted me overnight.
as for whether or not p&k is an ass, well, he is arrogant but honest. and a lot of people can't handle the truth, especially when it is delivered point blank with a sledge hammer and a vodka chaser. he's really an old softie, although he wouldn't want that let out. he looks like basil rathbone as sherlock holmes, in his tweeds, smoking his pipe, grading papers.... such a character! and horus wants to pummel him! oy!