regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-03/10:01 AM
A mixture of coherent images with ambiguous and images that seem to stray from the central theme. Plus, the commas are in odd places and many seem unnecessary.
Re: Temptation In Genesis by scitz	1-Apr-03/10:06 AM
This seems more like some young attempt to desperately try to say something deep and profound to make the reader shutter in awe. But as a haiku it really says nothing much. Look to the origins; find the eastern spirit of the form. This just mocks it. But, hey, who needs Shakespeare, eh?
Re: The Adulterous by Caducus	1-Apr-03/10:12 AM
More of a statement than a haiku. I suggest a good read of the form and its purpose. No put the Nora Roberts book down! Now!
Re: Glare of Dawn by OneFingerAnswer	1-Apr-03/10:16 AM
La de da de da de de, da de da de de da do
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-03/2:51 PM
Stop IT. PLEASE. You religious freaks are killing me with your hideous writing. Oh my, I melting, I'm melting. Did you make it through primaries? But Katie likes it and Ranger. Whoo-hoo. We are looking for Blue's Clues cuz it's really fun.
Re: Lossing Grip by Katie2	1-Apr-03/2:52 PM
Awwww, Katie. How sad. You hang in there girl.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-03/2:55 PM
Let's see. We have wasted time on at least 49 poems involving this very subject. Can't you add something new? It's unoriginal. It has already been written on this site. Find a new angle. Poop in a basket. Poop in Paris. Just do it with flair.
Re: Guess Who? by Nagi	1-Apr-03/2:56 PM
Pretty weak. Satire or not.
regarding some deleted poem...	1-Apr-03/6:37 PM
This is quite lovely and true to orgin. you have shown another side of yourself and I like it.
Re: You are not alone by MattDahl	1-Apr-03/7:04 PM
Maybe you should have published under Rod Mckuen Jr.? Do you know Prince? Paul Westerberg?
Re: Revelation ( 666 ) by Mr Pig	1-Apr-03/7:10 PM
Sing it Bill Z Bub. Right on! Children of the Damned. Run to the Hills. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREAKS that write stupid religious haiku.
Re: Bible Quoting Fag Killer (So it is said) by Blindproject217	1-Apr-03/8:50 PM
You are a Morman on a bike!!!!!!! Didn't Jesus teach you not to hate?
Re: F**K The World by loneshadow29	2-Apr-03/2:57 PM
are you down in the dumps again?
Re: Down Lovers Lane by Mr Pig	8-Apr-03/10:39 AM
It is obvious that shadows feint, that is why they are shadows. I am not sure you need to tell the reader that. "fairies in dandelion’s" - what the hell are these. You cannot have realist images and throw these oddities in. It does not work. Even with some of the unabashedly overdramatic langue. "dry death of leaves" = again like the shadow image, there seems to be too much language here. The reader knows that dry leaves are obviously dead. Love is not a constant, "Love is an instant, And love favors the weak, They are the dreamers like me who weep" = you change the context with these lines into a telling montage, which comes off as some sort of didactical statement. What is the purpose of telling the reader these things? Why not let the poem show them without the author butting in and telling the reader how he feels. Engines purr? The end just rips into pure sap, which ultimately makes the poem fail, but with a rewrite and a lessing of tone and making the context clear (i.e. this is an adult flashing back at his first lost love? Only the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, shows this. If it is an adult-to-adult relation then the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, makes it seem young and trite). Sort out the context and maybe you will find the poem in here.
Re: The sky is falling by INTRANSIT	8-Apr-03/11:05 AM
Quit reading Calvin Trillin.
regarding some deleted poem...	8-Apr-03/2:22 PM
So why are the Astros still the Astros if they no longer play on Astroturf in the astrodome? Now, that is a conundrum. Well, maybe not.
Re: the photobooth by Bill Z Bub	8-Apr-03/2:32 PM
It sounds as if you are plunking both the money and the mug the way it is written. Needs a comma to separate into two thoughts or a rewrite. You lifted a casket? Or just opened the door to the booth. Again, sentence structure is confusing. I really like the final stanza. Some of the lines are quite fine, but the build up leaves me wanting a bit more and I think it is tied up somewhere in the grammar at the beginning and just a bit of wandering in the middle. But I like what is being said and the idea behind it (London is fine the way it is. If people do not know London Ontario then screw them - not you though, Z), but I think the entire poem needs to read with the strength of the last stanza.
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jul-03/2:53 PM
Wow, where is an editorial board when you need one?
regarding some deleted poem...	30-Jul-03/2:56 PM
What? I get you all worked up and then you go and post this poem again? I told you not to let me sleep on your couch. Just remember you were warned. So now what do we do with the baby coming and all! I do not like that virtual tryst bit. To computer geekish.
Re: Vichyssoise, then murder by horus8	30-Jul-03/2:57 PM
Interesting at best.