Down Lovers Lane

Very sweet, in a good way, but slightly over the top at the start. I have to go marketing right now but wanted to take a look, I'll be back later. I like it, lot's of simile and metaphor, my favorites, welcome back. I think you mean 'window' at the end.

Hey its Porkypig? why d'yah never vote an any of my stuff huh?

This is cool pigface.

Looks mostly excellent but I have some Q&A on this be back tomorrow.

It is obvious that shadows feint, that is why they are shadows. I am not sure you need to tell the reader that. "fairies in dandelion’s" - what the hell are these. You cannot have realist images and throw these oddities in. It does not work. Even with some of the unabashedly overdramatic langue. "dry death of leaves" = again like the shadow image, there seems to be too much language here. The reader knows that dry leaves are obviously dead. Love is not a constant,
"Love is an instant,
And love favors the weak,
They are the dreamers like me who weep" = you change the context with these lines into a telling montage, which comes off as some sort of didactical statement. What is the purpose of telling the reader these things? Why not let the poem show them without the author butting in and telling the reader how he feels. Engines purr?

The end just rips into pure sap, which ultimately makes the poem fail, but with a rewrite and a lessing of tone and making the context clear (i.e. this is an adult flashing back at his first lost love? Only the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, shows this. If it is an adult-to-adult relation then the Sycamore tree, which is a cliche, makes it seem young and trite). Sort out the context and maybe you will find the poem in here.

good wordplay as ever
great flow
A few cliches near the end 'tangerine skies'
and 'moon turns to rust' doesn't seem to mean anything.
I dont think the poem would lose much if you binned them.

As for dandelion fairies, a perfectly fair description.

A short poem to commemorate my morning:

A young man of passions quite gingery
Tore a hole in his sisters best lingerie
He slapped her behind
And made up his mind
To add incest to insult and injury

Thank you all for your constructive comments. I wrote this as a young fry and PAKI thank you for your time in studying this. It was written more like a sonnet and a testament to naivity in love.

God Speed.

Dark Angel, did you ever watch crazylegs crane? (it was on after the pink panther cartoon?

We like the moon. the moon is way high in the sky!

this would make a good song lyric, but not as good as the we like the moon song.

very nice bud, however not as inspirational as the blooding, but still as a concept piece, pretty damn fuckin fine.

I think i agree with poet andknowit, there's soemthing too highly-wrought about this. i think if it relaxed more there would be more tnederness to it; as it is, it plays like a very artificial masquerade of love's conventions. Individual lines I like very much ('Alive in something sacred' is great) but altogether I feel it's too forced and sometimes melodramatic (our names carved in a diseased sycamore/ Memories never felt this cruel before' - further weakened by the facile rhyme). But there is something real here which I think you uncover elsewhere ('The Blooding').