Re: the coldest hell by skaskowski	14-Aug-02/11:59 AM
I sure wish I know what the hell this one meant. Why The Coldest Hell and then the coldest hell later? And more brilliant use of the ellipsoidal!
Re: Song of departure by kawakurdi	14-Aug-02/12:15 PM
There is skilled use of metaphor (none here) and then there is stuff that just makes no sense (here). Come on. This could be: Open the door, walk out, close the door, goodbye, cry. Now that is powerful and it would have save a ton of space.
Re: freehand by Montinequego	14-Aug-02/12:15 PM
sap.
Re: Alone by Lil_Chick_512	14-Aug-02/12:18 PM
Holy crap, your are right. I didn't get that far. That is creepy. I now have goosebumps!
Re: Song of departure by kawakurdi	14-Aug-02/3:17 PM
I know what act/theme is going on here, but the metaphors are basic and not even good clich??s. Come on: "This is the spring of your winter season". "Cuts down the green tree of my lifetime." The stuff has been worked so hard so many times, it now sounds like it belongs on a soap opera.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-02/3:19 PM
Ha. These are popping up everywhere on random, Dark Dude. Next time my dryer breaks, I am calling you, funny guy.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-02/3:32 PM
Oh this is lovely. Now we know Kliebold and Harris really did have a teenage accomplice.
Re: The Left Book Club by Nicholas Jones	15-Aug-02/7:52 AM
Where is Gollancz when you need him? I wonder whom he would nab today to write the LBC mantra? Are there any good propagandists anymore? Anywho, this works well revealing the LBC from the grunt level revealing the dogmatic good intentions (or deceptive intentions if you consider the poems undertones to violence) along with many in the group's extreme naivete. Interesting subject matter, but I do not like the fuck-up in the first line. It seems out of place? And some of the lines trip in the prose.
Re: ending by Eline	15-Aug-02/7:54 AM
Maybe a full line break after laughter would slow this down a bit and let it build more slowly.
Re: Afraid Of You (To Amber) by Lil_Chick_512	15-Aug-02/7:58 AM
I have never seen such misuse of the ellipsoidal in my life. It is rampant on this site. Who is teaching you people. But in this case it was good because I faded out in the first sentence and didn't have to read the journal entry that followed. Think before you write.
Re: My Black Friend by kawakurdi	15-Aug-02/8:12 AM
Archaic ideas breeds bit of archaic language. Maybe try to take this and create your own style.
Re: And Now... by Lil_Chick_512	15-Aug-02/8:22 AM
This is emotional drool, not poetry. The raging hormones of adolescence belong in the locked diary away from mommy's eyes.
Re: Reverse Pschology by Mister Cakes	15-Aug-02/8:37 AM
Oh poor boy. The humiliation you must feel.
Re: Civilization by ifni	15-Aug-02/8:44 AM
Who is "us"? So, is the nowhere place civilization or just the place "us" goes to become someone else? Hey, like the Internet. Is that the nowhere place for the nowhere man living in the nowhere land?
Re: NonVerbal by Gaultier	15-Aug-02/8:49 AM
I like the first line, but after that, it literally falls off the page.
Re: Redemption by leigh137	15-Aug-02/8:51 AM
A few nice lines in a pile of general junk and a trite subject.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Aug-02/9:06 AM
Jesus forest man, do you pull this shit out of your ass? You must be passive aggressive and a wuss in general because all the poems you have posted have the same clever tricks. But this is good stuff especially if you read it a few times and decide if it is pure love poem (high schoolers check this out for examples on how to do it) in the mode of Carver and Patchen or and anti-love poem. Is the narrator comfortable with the ease (is it convenient) and the predictability? Old rivers meander you know. Does he miss the journey? Who knows maybe it is just a fine love poem.
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Aug-02/9:30 AM
Good concrete imagery. I don't like the use of THICK, but it makes sense with some of the other stylistic choices.
Re: After The Rain by Lil_Chick_512	15-Aug-02/2:01 PM
Yes one thing does happen after the other. What a profound way of stating the obvious. And quit it with the...It is senseless.
Re: love song by <~>	15-Aug-02/2:36 PM
Writer of triangle poems, this sets a new precedence. You could have easily spiraled right down the drain here, but instead you somehow make this thing work on at least three levels. If the cello is not one of the most sensual instruments around, it is now.