replying on in you by fevriere
9 Feb 2004, 6:02 AM
Eh?
replying on How to sleep sitting up by Bachus
9 Feb 2004, 3:53 AM
I suppose it means the K on kling, but it's exactly fine. Reminds me of poor out-of-town supermarkets.
on Nina Simone (part one) by zodiac
8 Feb 2004, 8:51 AM
I liked the second verse.
replying on Love that's not true or double-sided by fevriere
8 Feb 2004, 8:45 AM
Ah, delicious. Thank-you very much. :)
replying on The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere
28 Jan 2004, 6:40 AM
That's great crit. Thank-you. I feel like reduxing now. :)
replying on The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere
25 Jan 2004, 1:56 PM
Is that bad? *meek girlish glances hitherto*
on Perfect by mytenderrage
18 Jan 2004, 8:52 AM
It's lacking, poetically. It tells rather than showing. I like that you know what you're saying but at the same time I'd rather the words illustrated instead of just plonking down their meaning.
Is it just freeverse? I didn't understand the catergory of "concrete" - maybe I should read a few more.
I appreciate the encouragement, very much so, but as Horus did point out, sometimes it's more complimentary to offer constructive critcisms. I need both.
I appreciate the encouragement, very much so, but as Horus did point out, sometimes it's more complimentary to offer constructive critcisms. I need both.
replying on Dry Beast Night by fevriere
16 Jan 2004, 1:06 PM
Glad you feel inspired. Will change strick to stricken and mistiful to.. Mistful. I think.
replying on Dry Beast Night by fevriere
16 Jan 2004, 1:04 PM
Salt mositure, I believe, needs reconsidering: but growl for sleep, I like. Doesn't it sound like a hungry belly? Thanks. :)
replying on Dry Beast Night by fevriere
16 Jan 2004, 12:54 PM
It was a given work. I like that you can kind-of feel it, and it's a bit wearing. But thank-you.
Sssnnnwhuffffll?
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl -
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok - doplodovok - plovodokot - doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl -
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp
The Loch Ness Monster's Song, by Edwin Morgan.
My point was, that poetry is wordplay, it's original use of traditional terms. It's giving words meaning.
Hnwhuffl hhnnwfl hnfl hfl?
Gdroblboblhobngbl gbl gl g g g g glbgl.
Drublhaflablhaflubhafgabhaflhafl fl fl -
gm grawwwww grf grawf awfgm graw gm.
Hovoplodok - doplodovok - plovodokot - doplodokosh?
Splgraw fok fok splgrafhatchgabrlgabrl fok splfok!
Zgra kra gka fok!
Grof grawff gahf?
Gombl mbl bl -
blm plm,
blm plm,
blm plm,
blp
The Loch Ness Monster's Song, by Edwin Morgan.
My point was, that poetry is wordplay, it's original use of traditional terms. It's giving words meaning.
replying on Migrating Storks by Blue Magpie
12 Jan 2004, 2:18 PM
Shame on you! Theirs has no apostrophe, as far as I'm concerned.
on Migrating Storks by Blue Magpie
12 Jan 2004, 2:13 PM
Simplistic but telling. I feel the part about the storks is slightly lacking, not really inforamtive. Perhaps relish whatever metaphor strikes you. Or perhaps keep it this way.
on van Gogh's Irises by lastobelus
12 Jan 2004, 2:09 PM
Painfulyl evocative. Plus it sounds like it's published.
on Sympathetic Guilt by middenHeap
12 Jan 2004, 2:06 PM
Intelligent. No con crit. Sorry.
Poetry is by nature non-sensical. I was referring to the personal feeling of depression, and literally, music expressing depressive feelings, and its tendency to linger. The use of "hang" was a morbid touch. Sorry.
Again, the image of kissing hands is a non-literal poetic one that I thought sounded confused & lovely. But I suppose I am not writing for myself anymore.
I must confess, I wrote it as a writing exercise with a list of required words. I should have re-read and edited but I didn't. I agree that the "criminals" idea looks, frankly, silly. Thank-you.
Again, the image of kissing hands is a non-literal poetic one that I thought sounded confused & lovely. But I suppose I am not writing for myself anymore.
I must confess, I wrote it as a writing exercise with a list of required words. I should have re-read and edited but I didn't. I agree that the "criminals" idea looks, frankly, silly. Thank-you.