regarding some deleted poem...	29-Apr-05/4:25 AM
I don't believe God cares much whether or not you talk to Him in James's English. It's not His native tongue, anyway, and probably not the one He speaks now. That and you have to worry about all those unfamiliar conjugations, like "Give me only Thineself" rather than "Give me only Thee". And you have to worry about sounding like a world-class schmo. Anyway, please consider changing all the Thees, Thys and Thous to Yous, Yours, and Yous, respectively. Thank you. Please also note that any pronoun referring to God should be capitalized - i.e., I beseech Thee... -10-
Re: The Resilient Woman by Joe-joe	29-Apr-05/4:28 AM
Not bad, but it should be "thirst like she HAS never known before" and broken into several shorter sentences - after "reside", I'd say, and maybe after "brine".
Re: Requiem by ChaseValentine	29-Apr-05/4:47 AM
The line "that paint deserts golden pink" doesn't seem connected to any of the rest of the poem. And I don't even know if it's true. "Settling" should probably be "settle". Samson and Delilah doesn't really fit, since you're getting your hair cut (i.e., you're Samson) but it's not making you weak (i.e., like it did Samson). The last two lines are great and well-broken. Make the two lines leading into them stronger. You don't need to say "I've shorn myself for the summer" for so long, since you've already said it and better. Think of something else. -10-.
Re: Sins of convenience by sunset sky	29-Apr-05/4:50 AM
The last stanza has got to go.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Apr-05/4:52 AM
Hi, welcome to poemranker! I'd like to make some suggestions about your poem, but I'm afraid you're going to have a seizure if I do. What can I do? Sincerely, Worried in Ar-Rabba
Re: Walking Out by NoSage	29-Apr-05/4:53 AM
Say "his", not "their".
Re: Censor by nentwined	29-Apr-05/4:57 AM
I don't get it. So nothing's actually censored, it just has a bunch of odd Xs inserted?
Re: Carnival Creatures by <{Baba^Yaga}>	29-Apr-05/5:03 AM
This is great. One thing: "born" should be "borne".
Re: Returning by Dovina	29-Apr-05/5:15 AM
This is the best thing you've posted here. I read it once just for the flow of it. "There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice." - F Scott Fitzgerald, 'The Sensible Thing'
Re: Middle-Aged White Woman by Dovina	29-Apr-05/5:18 AM
"Begin with an individual, and before you know it you find that you have created a type; begin with a type, and you find that you have created - nothing." -'The Rich Boy'
Re: Just a Poem by Damien	29-Apr-05/5:25 AM
I wonder if you read much of the poetry that's written these days. Of course a lot of it is crap, just like most poetry from any time, but I think you'd be really surprised and pleased by some. Check it out. Robert Pinsky posts a new poem on his Slate.com page every week. They're always pretty good, and you can see them here: http://www.slate.com/?id=3944&;cp=3333. A recent one has one of my favorite bits of poetry ever: how scrufty, how anciently scabby we, he and I; how worn, how self-devoured, balls and all, balls, balls and all.
Re: Wherever the Wind Will Blow by nothingtoanyone	1-May-05/6:43 AM
Some edits: - Wherever is one word. - Don't put a period at the end of the first line. - How is the rain like tears from children's faces? Yes, I know. But say how in the poem. - Don't say blood in the next line. For one, it sounds like your saying children's tears are blood. For another, you're really saying the rain's blood. Rain doesn't have blood. If anything, rain is blood. - Don't capitalize wind. - Don't put a period at the end of that sentence. - Say Nature's, not Natures. And don't capitalize breath. - Don't say reliquish in another language. There's no point or basis in the poem for it. And anyways, then you have to worry about putting the pronoun them before reliquere (where it should be if you're talking French), or after where it doesn't sound right. Better yet, just say relinquish. - Forgetting in the next line doesn't seem to have a subject. Then leave should probably be leaving. - I appreciate poetic phrase-making, but running of with the distance doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You don't have to change it, just so you know. - Don't say capere. There's no reason. - In that sentence, you've got the leaves running off in the distance, but what's standing tired and naked? The trees, obviously. But you haven't said that. It sounds like you mean the leaves are standing. Say the trees. - Make the last two lines a real sentence. It also doesn't make sense as it is. There's no subject for waiting, unless you mean battle, but that doesn't make sense. It also sounds like you're saying waiting for the return of the never-ending cycle, which is kind of silly, because the cycle's never-ending, right, so where did it go? That's all. Sorry to sound nitpicky, but you have to admit making these changes won't do anything to your poem but make it make more sense. It's not like they'll ruin it or anything.
Re: Savor Your Tasteful, Tasteless Morsel by nothingtoanyone	2-May-05/12:43 AM
I don't understand why this poem has the word "douche" in it.
Re: Home by Dovina	2-May-05/12:49 AM
All the synonyms for "saw" bother me. Why not just drop them all?
Re: Spirit In a Temple by peaceseeker	3-May-05/2:29 PM
I don't think you meant "physiological".
Re: Void by darylchew	3-May-05/2:29 PM
You'd do better to write this without some of the punctuation: - no comma after 'letter' - no comma after 'imagination' - no semicolon after 'depicts' - no comma after 'trains' - no comma after 'story' Go ahead, tell me you did it on purpose.
Re: My Life by RION12	7-May-05/4:49 AM
Your parents will always be there for me.
Re: a way to pass time by unknown^user	7-May-05/4:56 AM
This is good. Don't listen to Dovina. Like she'd know.
regarding some deleted poem...	8-May-05/10:44 PM
Hi, welcome to poemranker. This isn't a bad poem, just a couple of nitpicks, really. For one, there's an extra space between I'm and back in the first line - don't know why. For another, all poetry on poemranker is legally (but kind of sloppily Americanly) copyrighted by the poster as of the most recent update, so you don't need to include copyright information at the end of your poem. In fact, I think it's decreed somewhere around here that you don't. Lastly, as an American (and living abroad) it bugs me how Europeans write the same poems about America over and over. This poem could be ripped off a Blur album. And besides, most Americans don't even know who Calamatiy Jane and Rock Hudson are anymore. If you want to know what we Americans' current cultural touchpoint is, it's: Europeans. Would you consider writing something about them? Maybe something along the lines of http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=124362 or http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=114724
Re: Maybe my answer is maybe by Prince of Void	8-May-05/10:47 PM
I don't understand. So your way of living life to its fullest is to avoid even the possibility of giving a real answer?