Re: a comment on Triangle of the Courtyard Square by OneFingerAnswer	23-Sep-02/11:54 PM
Yes, but I long for the He's, She's and Me's to be more seperate. Like a triangle. Each coming from his own direction. I think S2 is quite fine. If you can keep them seperate somehow. Bring them together at the end. Maybe write 3 stanzas were you address them and their needs individually. This is more of a pentagram then a triangle.
Re: a comment on Unveiled by aperfecttool77	23-Sep-02/11:45 PM
There's nothing wrong with it. Beans are beans. Some people add garlic, a bit of rosemary, a little olive oil perhaps. They make a poem of it. Otherwise it plain beans. Which would you rather?
Re: a comment on Unveiled by aperfecttool77	23-Sep-02/11:42 PM
They have everything to do with the quality of this poem. I mean love as in love as writers.
Re: Triangle of the Courtyard Square by OneFingerAnswer	23-Sep-02/11:37 PM
It doesn't work. S4 L5 is muddled.
Re: a comment on Unveiled by aperfecttool77	23-Sep-02/11:29 PM
Or if not simile some other poetic slight of hand, of which this has none.
Re: a comment on Unveiled by aperfecttool77	23-Sep-02/11:26 PM
I'm not defining. Who do you love? Do they write with simile or not?
Re: a comment on Triangle of the Courtyard Square by OneFingerAnswer	23-Sep-02/11:23 PM
What does that have to do with my original comment? The pronouns way this thing down like an anchor.
Re: a comment on Triangle of the Courtyard Square by OneFingerAnswer	23-Sep-02/11:19 PM
Active? Like it's ticking, or it's exercising?
Re: happy hour by Limness	23-Sep-02/11:16 PM
Fuckin' a. As the dudes would say. You got this case won. Open and shut.
Re: Triangle of the Courtyard Square by OneFingerAnswer	23-Sep-02/11:07 PM
All those he shes he she she he hehhehehehshehshehheheheehshhshshsehesshehshehshehe's have me bored and uninterested.
Re: Unveiled by aperfecttool77	23-Sep-02/11:02 PM
Why is it so hard for peopppple to express themselves in simile? This is too concrete. Inner conversations do not poetry make.
Re: Married by INTRANSIT	23-Sep-02/5:46 PM
I love your poem.
Re: a comment on Spanish fLie by flatliner	23-Sep-02/5:35 PM
Es la mera verdad! Tu espanol es horible!
Re: Spanish fLie by flatliner	23-Sep-02/4:46 PM
No entiendo. Todo esta demasiado confuso. El primer verso si se entiende, pero comensando con {si ay tiempo me olvideras} no sera {si uviera tiempo me olvideras}? During the day we search for a way to live/If we meet, it is by mistake/ Everything that happened, we shall forget, and,/I know it is not the truth. (I don't understand what you're talking about).
Re: Here In The Heart of Amber by Lenore	23-Sep-02/7:06 AM
This is fantastic. Particularly the last stanza, it is complete in thought, rhythm and rhyme.
Re: Trespasser at the Men's Bathing Pond by Christof	23-Sep-02/6:58 AM
I voted on this but hadn't commented. The title is a stranger to me. I assume the stone-dropper is in S1 is the premoter of your desire in S2 but I keep picturing a man so it puts me off. I prefer S2. Line 4 seems unnecessary I read it without L4 and (spreads) in L3, but that just means I transformed it into something more mine. I particularly like the last line. You have to be brave to rouse another's desire. I haven't seen too much expressing that.
Re: Spellbound by Limness	22-Sep-02/5:11 PM
It's good from middle on (sans cats). Last stanza best of them.
Re: O Man Away From Me by Limness	22-Sep-02/4:57 PM
I love the heavy blankets line, have you thought of leaving it there? the next line subtracts from it.
Re: a comment on Tugboats by poetandknowit	20-Sep-02/2:00 PM
What on earth are you talking about? Has my tone hasn't changed. I sport no emblems. I believe you are starving for attention. Go outside and play.
Re: a comment on Tugboats by poetandknowit	20-Sep-02/1:50 PM
Take a look at what you just wrote. You simply repeat what is said to you and then accent your stupidty with bad sentence structure and mis- use of the word "to". You have the sophistication of a 10 yr. old.