Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

happy hour (Lyric) by Limness
avert your eyes and please push 6 the nothing in here so thick it sticks so loud it screams; they move away when i get in they've nothing to say big brass doors slide smoothly shut carry me up not out of this rut open to acres of tessellated grey tethered to my cube is where i'll stay my price is this: i must be numb while working while earning i must succumb to drudge, to facts checked out gotten back cruch digits place calls chatter heard over walls slung low hung in rows so everyone will know if you work or if you play sitting listless i listen all day to her calls to him they're on a limb that's going to break she's got a new date lined up for tonight no wrong no right hormonal confusion intended delusion i'll fade them all out all of their doubts i'm not like them so idle so dim when i hear that whine the high-pitched drone a coded agenda i'm never alone i know i am slipping i wish i was gone so this is how it feels to work at the top the happiest hour is the one when you stop

Up the ladder: More 7-Eleven holdups.

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 11
.. 20
.. 10
.. 00
.. 10
.. 10
.. 00
.. 01
.. 01
.. 10
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 5.7272725
Weighted score: 5.3636365
Overall Rank: 3280
Posted: September 23, 2002 10:21 PM PDT; Last modified: September 23, 2002 10:47 PM PDT
View voting details
Comments:
[9] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 | 23-Sep-02/10:25 PM | Reply
I like it. I'm not sure I totally follow how you got from scene to scene but I like it.
[n/a] Limness @ 24.44.185.41 > OneFingerAnswer | 23-Sep-02/10:29 PM | Reply
ever find yourself wondering why the hell you are bothering with all of this shit (esp. at work)? sometimes, it all starts to slipppp awaaaayyyyyy....and it shows. i can see them move away from me in the elevator.
[9] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > Limness | 23-Sep-02/10:32 PM | Reply
I can understand the office and the elevator but the last 5 stanzas seem like a misplaced poem to me. I'm not sure what I'm missing but it doesn't fit with the rest for me.
[n/a] Limness @ 24.44.185.41 > OneFingerAnswer | 23-Sep-02/10:36 PM | Reply
you sir, are absolutely correct. i shall split it and edit accordingly. thank you. that is exactly why id didn't work. damn, i love this site.
[n/a] Limness @ 24.44.185.41 > Limness | 23-Sep-02/10:48 PM | Reply
try it on for size now. it still needs work, but it's getting there. thanks :]
[9] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > Limness | 23-Sep-02/10:50 PM | Reply
I love the new ending. Much better. *Applauds or snaps or does whatever it is that he'm supposed to do to show that he likes it*
:)
[9] OneFingerAnswer @ 216.138.10.5 > OneFingerAnswer | 23-Sep-02/10:50 PM | Reply
Ahh yes.. *Votes* 9.
[n/a] Limness @ 24.44.185.41 > OneFingerAnswer | 23-Sep-02/10:59 PM | Reply
she loves the new vote. thanks again for the help. (note: see also--'making progress'--the cut away other half which descends not quite so slowly into madness.)
[10] god'swife @ 209.179.136.163 | 23-Sep-02/11:16 PM | Reply
Fuckin' a. As the dudes would say. You got this case won. Open and shut.
[n/a] poetandknowit @ 65.101.210.185 > god'swife | 24-Sep-02/6:27 PM | Reply
Real dudes would not say this. Undereducated dudes at the piss trough at a football game would be more apt at saying this. Please, for future reference, do not lump us all into the same category. I for one when using the word always complete the gerund and never place a consonant behind it. It is beneath my dude heritage.
[9] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.188.228 | 24-Sep-02/5:14 AM | Reply
Well, so much for writing about the 9-5 crowd. Covered it better than I might've.9
[5] nentwined @ 66.92.183.34 | 17-Dec-02/11:22 AM | Reply
cubefarm. eh.
281 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001