poemranker ::Unveiled by aperfecttool77

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Free verse № 16796

Unveiled

by aperfecttool77

Member since 2002 · Posted 23 Sep 2002 · 26 comments

I wake every morning living a lie All thoughts and dreams about you by my side My mind is conquered and ravaged by thoughts of something I might never have -And you know this too. I hide the truth behind this veil of tranquility everyone witnesses Only adding to my sorrow -And you know this too. So much I want to say to you, but I lack the words to say it You leave me breathless I???d give it all for one taste of the life I may never live -And you know this too. What about what I want to know? Do you still feel like you once did? Will there ever be a you and me? -And you know this too. I will love you forever and always But never can I tell you this Because I don???t want you to experience this hell that I do. -This, you may never know.

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11 votes so far. Yours would make 12.11 votes so far

26 comments

[n/a] god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:02 PM Reply
Why is it so hard for peopppple to express themselves in simile? This is too concrete. Inner conversations do not poetry make.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:16 PM Reply
A smile is not fitting in a situation such as this. And who are you to define a poem?
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/11:26 PM Reply
I'm not defining. Who do you love? Do they write with simile or not?
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:34 PM Reply
Who I love and how they write have nothing to do with this poem.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/11:42 PM Reply
They have everything to do with the quality of this poem. I mean love as in love as writers.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:47 PM Reply
Ahh... as writers I love many people. Most of them are lyricists. Most of my poetry actually starts in my head as a song and thus it is these people I look to for insperation. Sometimes they use colorful and fancy language. Sometimes they just tell it how it is.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/12:08 AM Reply
But even when they "tell it like it is" as you put it, they make it uniquely interesting. They don't just say what happened in some unstylized manner.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 24-Sep-02/12:12 AM Reply
I see a style to it. He repeats a single line then puts a twist on it at the end. Once again, you're mistaking your dislike of something for it's lack. Just because you don't like the style he used doesn't mean it's not there.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/11:29 PM Reply
Or if not simile some other poetic slight of hand, of which this has none.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:33 PM Reply
What is wrong with a straight foreward presentation of the way one feels? Lack of metaphor and such do not ban a writing from being a poem.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 23-Sep-02/11:45 PM Reply
There's nothing wrong with it. Beans are beans. Some people add garlic, a bit of rosemary, a little olive oil perhaps. They make a poem of it. Otherwise it plain beans. Which would you rather?
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 23-Sep-02/11:50 PM Reply
Sometimes I want garlic sometimes I want beans. Some people can't stand beans and others hate garlic. It's all personal taste. You can say that the poem is to plain for you but you cannot deny it standing as a poem.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/12:02 AM Reply
I cannot deny it holds no poetry for me. Some people hate any number of "artists" therefore their creations are not art to those that don't like them. I can believe I am the greateast artist in the world but til I have an audience, I'm shit. I can say this is not a poem. This is not a poem.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 24-Sep-02/12:06 AM Reply
They can say it's not good art. You can say it's not a good poem. That is where your power ends.
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/12:13 AM Reply
It's not about power. Expression is not poetry. No more then a wall well painted is art.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › god'swife 24-Sep-02/12:19 AM Reply
Expression in this format is poetry though. A wall well painted is not art but there has been an artist who painted black squares on a black canvas and it recieved acclaim as a great piece of art. I found it to be bad but I couldn't deny that it was art.
[5] vulcan › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/12:29 AM Reply
a charming answer!
[n/a] god'swife › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/8:14 AM Reply
I think I'm beginning to understand what your saying, if no one ever loved or appreciated VanGogh's paintings, would they be art? Good question, and you're right I don't have the answer. So this is a poem, simply because the author wrote it as won. I'm stubborn, but not unreasonable. I thank you for the discussion.
[5] <~> › god'swife 24-Sep-02/8:18 AM Reply
i'm going to go with art/poem as an expression of an idea of a particular reality, from a particular point of view.
[5] Christof › god'swife 24-Sep-02/7:29 AM Reply
Was Van Gogh shit until after he died when people started to buy his paintings? Did he suddenly become good? I don't think art an be defined purely by audience and public reception.
[5] <~> › Christof 24-Sep-02/7:41 AM Reply
no. but sometimes it takes a hell of a long time for people to accept a different way of thinking. vangogh painted what he physically saw. his medication warped his vision. people were freaked because they didn't see things like that. they wanted...well, macdonalds. everything the same, all the time, even if it does taste like shit. same thing with seaurat and monet, manet, etc. they broke images down into impressions of color. people couldn't deal with the scientififc concept of the optical mix. stand back far enough, and damn those paintings look tight. but they're swishy-swahy, or points of color. new stuff is hard to swallow. what were talking about, any way? bees dying, right?
[5] Christof › <~> 24-Sep-02/7:45 AM Reply
The bees died, yep that's right. But that was somewhere else. Now my head is reeling! But you just argued my point for me, exactly right. In some ways artists should be suspicious if everyone likes their work; it ain't no popularity contest. Though of course it hurts if nobody likes it. Ah me.
[7] OneFingerAnswer › Christof 24-Sep-02/9:18 AM Reply
god'swife your welcome and I thank you too. As for the bees, now that I know their source they make perfect sense and I thought discussion of them was as dead as they are. Back to people being able to call art/poetry good or bad, An individual can say that a piece of work is bad in their eyes but they cannot tell me how it looks through my eyes.

If many people like it then maybe the artist/poet did something right or maybe they just played puppet to the audience and wrote something simple for the simple minds. If no one likes it maybe they simply need to die before any credit can be given for their greatness or maybe they just suck. Either way the former will get money and fame (or maybe just a bunch of 10's) and the latter will starve or find a day job. The audiance maybe right or wrong but in the end they are still the jury.
[n/a] knickytoy › OneFingerAnswer 24-Sep-02/10:43 AM Reply
Anything that inspires so much discussion should earn the name art.??
[5] vulcan 24-Sep-02/12:32 AM Reply
Don't you think that your poem recalls no special atmosphere in one's mind.It looks and sounds blank.you lack words as you've said in your poem.add something blanker at least at the end and i'll like your style.
[5] Christof 24-Sep-02/7:27 AM Reply
What an interesting discussion. I din't think it's impossible to write a poetry of internal discussion and bald statement as opposed to simile - GK CHesterton said that metaphor and simile were the antithesis of poetry, and the whole of Wordsworth's 15000 line 'Prelude' is a discussion with the self. However, it is difficult to write something so self-revealing and to make it really speak to others. It does require an absolutely iron grip on language.