Re: Amber's Witness by cyan9	20-Nov-05/7:33 PM
I think it might be more provokative, and better flowing to change "autumn's oncoming" to "autumn's coming".
Re: The Rose by sk8rs_rule_all	20-Nov-05/7:30 PM
Try "The smell rises out of each petal." The repetition of "each" is an obstacle for the reader.
Re: A daisy chain for Nina by Caducus	20-Nov-05/6:34 PM
You reminded me that a daisy chain isn't just a type of explosive device.
Re: soon i will travel by ay deee	20-Nov-05/6:31 PM
Remember that haiku idealy appeal to multiple senses. Smell, touch, taste, sight, sound.
Re: Shattered by Aetius	14-Oct-04/2:43 AM
Excellent, but I don't think punctuation improves on haikus. Meaningful and thought provoking, friends are such rare and fragile things.
Re: WAR04 by Jody Conn	13-Oct-04/3:43 AM
Definately strikes a cord with me.
Re: a comment on Death's Invitation by eliastemplar	6-Oct-04/10:40 AM
I've spent time in a teargas chamber before. At some point you accept that you won't be able to hold your breath long enough, and you hate yourself for breathing.
Re: Solitude by Dovina	6-Oct-04/10:30 AM
Just swell.
Re: a comment on Death's Invitation by eliastemplar	6-Oct-04/10:26 AM
Thankyou for correcting my typo. As for the coin, I find reminders useful in a combat zone. Sometimes I find myself drinking tea or breaking bread with Afghani village elders. In the battle to win hearts and minds I've even caught myself sharing familly photos and stories of home. The danger lies in forgetting that these people or perhaps their neighbors are plotting to kill you. Even when I am home enjoying a beer and a game of billiards it's good to be reminded not to take life for granted.
Re: a comment on Death's Invitation by eliastemplar	6-Oct-04/10:15 AM
It's strange, I will embark on another mission tomorrow, and it seems it will lead me down the very same isolated path that I wrote this poem about. If death is waiting there again, hopefully he will see my coin as a ward and not a challenge.
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	6-Oct-04/10:01 AM
I never would have thought to write a poem about taking a leak, but you've started my gears turning. I found this poem very amusing.
Re: Untitled by fair12	6-Oct-04/9:56 AM
A very emotional piece. I enjoyed the imagery. I didn't feel any pressure to "get the point". It seemed more despair than rage. Thankyou.
Re: One True Instant by Dovina	6-Oct-04/9:50 AM
Pure and well written. It seems like it should be negetive, yet it pleasantly reminds me of the mystery and facination between lovers. It made me homesick. Intimacy is very elusive when you are deployed overseas. Excellent, Thankyou.
Re: Boys with Guns by Hostileintent	6-Oct-04/9:41 AM
You use a lot of repetition in this poem, but I think the repetition is apropriate. War is suffering and corruption ad nauseum ad nauseum. I speak from experience. I think the world today is severely lacking in feminine influence, and we will all suffer until this imbalance is righted. So much is being wasted. It is not even clearly understood why we are fighting. I wish I were not here. I am probably losing my marbles. Thankyou.
Re: (A)Gnostic by Nicholas Jones	6-Oct-04/9:28 AM
I enjoyed this. We all struggle with faith. Faith is a self imposed struggle by design. Often our final refuge is faith in ourselves, creating a conscience to trust. Sometimes we are teased by spots and smears that appear on the blank page. Spots that our minds create from staring too hard. Faith comes at discount prices in a combat zone. You strain harder for answers when you realize your life could easily be cut short. Somehow it cheapens the discoveries you make, but you can ill afford to ignore them here. As though I were treating an ill patient I do whatever is necessary to comfort myself. In the end I find myself retaining more and more objects of faith close to my heart. Your poem reminds me of the fear and the struggle that always remain no matter how much faith you retain. Thanks.
Re: Not Real by DeadtotheWorld	28-Aug-03/9:45 AM
Just one of those days. (7)
Re: By Now by Lie2MePinnochio	27-Aug-03/9:35 AM
Depressing, California left a bad taste in my mouth. Everyone told me I went to the wrong parts. I think I just saw through it quicker than they did. I like the way you wrote this poem. I just wish it were about something else. Perhaps that is near to the inteded effect. (8)
Re: The Wonderful Creators by abecedarian	26-Aug-03/9:47 AM
Simple, beautiful, a breath of fresh air. Almost mental music. (10)
Re: Eight thousand clay tiles by abecedarian	26-Aug-03/9:43 AM
Good words, and good art. I enjoy reading your work. It's serene. (10)
Re: The Better of the Sea by abecedarian	26-Aug-03/9:40 AM
I enjoyed your poem, and it held my interest. Not that I have a short attention span. I havn't owned a T.V. in eight years. With most poems, I read the first few lines and see no reason to finish. I think what they lack is a hook. Not like a hook in a Pop song, but the kind that makes you wonder whats next. I suppose it just boils down to creativity, weather it be what the poem is about or how it's told, there needs to be something unusual. Your poem was beautiful because it took me to a place I have not been. Thanks (10)