| Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments |
|
soon i will travel (Haiku) by ay deee head and pillow meet
old friends gather to enact
my present routine
Up the ladder:
Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline)
Down the ladder:
ditched by them slowpokes
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 4.6666665
Posted: November 18, 2005 9:04 AM PST; Last modified: November 18, 2005 9:04 AM PSTWeighted score: 4.9103527 Overall Rank: 9674 Comments:
[7]
Dovina @ 69.225.179.162
|
18-Nov-05/5:19 PM
|
Reply
Good, except for the mundane last line.
Agreed.
Had to rate this lowly, you've shot yourself in the foot, the fingers, the face and the butt with that last line.
Remember that haiku idealy appeal to multiple senses. Smell, touch, taste, sight, sound.
174 view(s)
|
||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
