| Re: Secret, Admirer by <~> |
21-Aug-02/12:53 PM |
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Ahhh, much improved. I agree with Christof to a degree. He likes "suggestion", but I guess I'm lazy because in a poem of this length I like to have a narrative to guide me, or at least a vague understanding of what the hell's going on. I'll say nothing about "fecund" (you get away with it :) but I must say that "ejaculations" kinda jumps out at me (if you'll pardon the expression). Perhaps a touch forced. Otherwise I particularly that stanza. I'd go 8.5 if we had the halves. Mmmm...A generous 9. I find that if I have to rewrite to any significant degree, maybe it didn't come straight from the heart in the first place? Or maybe I'm just too amateur?
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| Re: Secret, Admirer by <~> |
20-Aug-02/3:04 PM |
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Sometimes, even if you assemble words beautifully you don't always get a solid result. There's nothing "wrong" with this piece, but it just didn't "hit" me, as much of your other work has. Perhaps there's an over indulgence in ambiguous imagery and a shortfall of plain story telling. Guess that's just my taste. 7. (Against your other submissions).
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| Re: The Price by Bluesee |
19-Aug-02/12:13 PM |
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| Re: Every other weekend by Corey McHattan |
19-Aug-02/12:00 PM |
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I'm sure this brings back not so pleasant childhood memories for a lot of people. Evocative and honest.8.
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| Re: Summer Son by Frass |
16-Aug-02/3:14 PM |
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How can i like this poem so much when i don't understand a word of it? I'm just a sucker for the sun. Hell, it cheered me up. But i sense an underlying melancholy. 8.
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| Re: cold sonnet by <~> |
16-Aug-02/3:09 PM |
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Needed to review your poem with lowest average to console myself. But, alas, this is rather good too. Almost too much imagery though. Slightly tiring to read. 6.
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| Re: To You, In Warmer Climes by <~> |
16-Aug-02/3:04 PM |
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Quite excellent. Particulary liked line "sun is in your blood". Beautiful work, will review your others. Last verse excellently structured, short and sweet, a fitting epilogue. Have a ten from the UK.
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| Re: The Cross by PK |
16-Aug-02/2:59 PM |
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Somehow to obvious. ("He's done it again"). I wonder if this, worthy, subject might express itself better through a little ambiguity.5.
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| Re: Exquisite Explosion by Venus |
16-Aug-02/2:56 PM |
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I don't know why i like this but i do. Probably the aquamarine architrave. Good word choice. I read this as a coming thunderstorm. (But may be wrong).8.
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| Re: Louder by Venus |
16-Aug-02/2:51 PM |
"Spicy" and "Entice me".
Hell that'll do nicely. Any rhyme like that gets my attention. Short and sweet. Simple but there's a pleasant image there. Have a nine.
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| Re: The plains of Africa by horus8 |
16-Aug-02/2:47 PM |
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No. I'm sorry Horus, having reviewed several of your submitions, I am sure you are capable of better writing than this. Borderline poetry, more likely poor prose. Try to concentrate more on the imagery and less on the gratuitous profanity. 1.
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| Re: Front, Porch, Swing. by horus8 |
16-Aug-02/2:37 PM |
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Hmmmm...Two nines and a two, seems to be splitting the voters. Beautiful start, particularly enjoyed the juxtaposition of (what i supposed to be) the cool evening on the swing and the fire. Peaceful porch against roaring fire imagery. I'll give that bit the nine. But the political references later left me colder..."United States...". But hey, I'm British. I'll average out at a seven and check your other work.
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| Re: AIDS in a van by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
30-Jul-02/10:15 AM |
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Not big, not clever, not entertaining. Controversial is one thing, poor poetry another.
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| Re: My Angel by emilys369 |
26-Jul-02/12:46 PM |
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If you're new to writing keep it up!
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| Re: why? by emilys369 |
26-Jul-02/12:44 PM |
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Well...if you did I'd have given you a higher score ;)
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