Re: Pennies by woodstock20000	22-Feb-05/9:31 AM
I like the thought; think perhaps the poem would work better if you just started it at "I used to always think", maybe ending one with one last line summarizing the cut lines--"I grieve for those lost days"
Re: Amphetamine Witches & Scrabble by Bachus	2-Mar-05/4:24 PM
This is a lot of fun.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-05/4:17 PM
content is simplistic, form is painful; rhymes read forced, rhythm jounces about without much care for sensibilities--as I read it, at laest.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-05/4:21 PM
"it's" -> its (twice) The last stanza is interesting. I'd run with that more and the abstract less. Maybe making it more immediate-- "In my mind today was a tractor trailor on its side crossing two lanes and a concrete barrier to catch me at seventy miles per hour; and no way to move." 7 for the final stanza, though the rest really should bring it down more.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-05/4:25 PM
"Bain" ? "That would be the best I could for" ? "My logic and fervor are equal are equal" ? Overall, I'd normally hate this. But it does make a good, dense square. It's sort of an "everyman's" poem--possibly pimple, but it doesn't rhyme or force structure. So... Hmm. 7.
Re: Heart Attack by ShaNoN+960317485	7-Mar-05/4:28 PM
I liked some of the breathless feel to it, but came out more like a minor (yeah, there's no such thing--stil...) asthma attack than anything thoughtforcing. While somewhat atypical in exactly how it feels forced, it doesn't work for me.
Re: on the edge of creation by nentwined	7-Mar-05/4:31 PM
Hmm. Going back in--this could use some rhythm work. The deerflies are out of place. Though I still like most of it. That's certainly a bonus.
Re: Heaven Out Here by wilco	7-Mar-05/4:36 PM
"rivers'" -> "river's" Since you didn't capitalize the beginning of each line, it's a bit odd that you chose to after a semi-colon. A moderate collection of images, with a point, but they don't gel for me. It's too haphazardly stacatto.
Re: Forward My Mail by Shardik	7-Mar-05/4:38 PM
I really like the first two stanzas. s3 doesn't do it for me at all, and s4... hmm. s4 is decent. s3 really doesn't do it for me, though.
Re: Evacuation harnessed angel Vs. The antichrist by Bachus	7-Mar-05/4:39 PM
Hmm. I gave this a 6 back in the day. Today I give it a 10. It made me laugh.
regarding some deleted poem...	7-Mar-05/4:44 PM
"has he took my place"? The forced rhymes and rhythm turn me off entirely. Sorry. A poem only a (your?) father could love? I feel like you must have gone down the medicrity checklist to pull this off. I'll have to read more of your stuff to see if this is typical. I didn't expect it of you, though I can't remember where my expectation came from.
Re: Bugs by INTRANSIT	7-Mar-05/4:46 PM
monochrome doesn't seem right. sepia? I like where it starts. The ending doesn't cinch it closed for me, though.
Re: The Snow Globe by Caducus	7-Mar-05/4:49 PM
I like bits of this a lot. The last stanza really doesn't work for me. The underscores in the title bug me. Dunno. 6. could be something, though.
Re: Deja-Vu by Rainbow_chaser	9-Mar-05/12:23 PM
simple, and the title adds some piece of elegance to it; but it's something that's been said a million times, and likely precisely like this at least a dozen, just from the common-ness of the words going together in the manner you used. ((though google would say these words had not yet been inscribed in the collective consciousness of the internet)) p.s. relized -> realized
Re: How to make a suicide bomber by Caducus	9-Mar-05/12:25 PM
A good thought. Didn't move me as poetry, though.
Re: Distance by MacFrantic	9-Mar-05/12:26 PM
I don't get what you're trying to convey, here. :/
Re: A Blind Child Speaks by Grandma	9-Mar-05/12:28 PM
Sweet, but the meter falls apart reducing its charm, and the repetition doesn't seem to have much point.
Re: Poet, Earth mover by INTRANSIT	9-Mar-05/1:14 PM
I don't get the use of "portentously" here, though I like how it rolls. [[what portent does this state?]] nor "a hot walk", which rolls less well repeated piece doesn't gel for me, though I really like the individual bits not mentioned, individually.
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Mar-05/1:16 PM
the rhymes and rhythm jerk, for me. doesn't quite fit my image of an ode: "The ode is written for an occasion or on a particular subject; it is somewhat lyrical and can be put to music, but often is merely lilting, hinting at a rhythm. It has some form of rhyme scheme and meter, nothing strict, nothing overly complicated."
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Mar-05/1:19 PM
As an ode, this is too much about "you", not enough about the subject. Beyond that, this particular poem doesn't move me from the tried and trod path. Nothing memorable or thought-provoking, for me.