Help | About | Suggestions | Alms | Chat [0] | Users [0] | Log In | Join
 Search:
Poem: Submit | Random | Best | Worst | Recent | Comments   

The Snow Globe (Free verse) by Caducus
Six O clock on murdered oak road. We walked in chimes and caws to our cotton sanctuary of broken clocks and vows to repair each other sewed from scarlet oval threads, woven with fingers clasped tight till they paled. Her mascara flowed. Tears looked like railings Like the ones at Hyde Park Where I kissed you In a current of leaves, and russet wind of a thousand spines which fell to the floor with us. She shook a snow globe at sunrise as she stroked my hair on her womb. I prayed right then he’d be born with her eyes But was only born in her tears that coldest day in June. Twelve lonely autumns passed, With thousands of twelve year olds. Ghosts which surround me as leaves as I lay alone weeping by our oak in Hyde Park shaking the snow globe we bought him.

Up the ladder: Master Takes
Down the ladder: War of kites and fireflies

You must be logged in to leave comments. Vote:

Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 20
.. 10
.. 01
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 00
.. 10

Arithmetic Mean: 7.4
Weighted score: 5.286087
Overall Rank: 3755
Posted: January 20, 2005 1:26 AM PST; Last modified: March 10, 2005 2:07 AM PST
View voting details
The following users have marked this poem on their favorites list:

Beyond_Dreams

Comments:
[10] wilco @ 24.165.207.93 | 20-Jan-05/5:36 PM | Reply
beautifully written, although sad.
[6] nentwined @ 64.60.192.130 | 7-Mar-05/4:49 PM | Reply
I like bits of this a lot. The last stanza really doesn't work for me. The underscores in the title bug me. Dunno. 6. could be something, though.
[10] INTRANSIT @ 205.188.116.67 | 10-Mar-05/5:48 AM | Reply
Other than her mascara (flowing). This rocks.
[9] edpeterson @ 68.79.52.31 | 10-Mar-05/10:46 AM | Reply
how about "borne on her tears? "

I would remove 'weeping' from the last stanza, maybe more.

there is a power to this. I like it a lot.
308 view(s)




Track and Plan your submissions ; Read some Comics ; Get Paid for your Poetry
PoemRanker Copyright © 2001 - 2024 - kaolin fire - All Rights Reserved
All poems Copyright © their respective authors
An internet tradition since June 9, 2001