| Re: Going to Michigan for the weekend by <~> |
6-Mar-09/7:38 AM |
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That's great. I kind of wish the title was just "someplace to go" or something like...
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| Re: My Thoughts by amanda_dcosta |
9-Mar-09/11:20 AM |
I really don't get what you're trying to convey here. Ditto Blindpoetry, really. Do you know too much or too little? Or if that's the basis of your conundrum, help me realize that better.
Comes off as pretentious and empty.
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| Re: tone-deaf or color-blind by nentwined |
11-Mar-09/8:29 PM |
I've been poeming a lot since ... last Friday, I think. I hit on a new voice in a few of them, and I'm trying to figure that out--but in the meantime, thoughts seem to be wanting to express themselves in this form. This is a thought, not something that's looking for publication, so it's not hidden for future re-working.
In fact, as I'm listening to some beautiful YouTube mash-ups [[ http://thru-you.com/ ]] by a person named (or calling himself) Kutiman, I'd love to create some sort of dialog out of it.
So: I hereby release the poem and its accompanying audio into the public domain; if you see some promise in either, do with them as thou wilt.
And I'd love to know what you think. :) I'm particularly unhappy with s3--I don't think it says what it needs to, but my thoughts started to falter (and my rhythm, though a part of me hopes that works ;) ). And perhaps I don't explore the metaphor (if it's really a metaphor) enough in the first two stanzas... and the fear is important, but I just touch on it (that was supposed to be the core as much as the "sounds", but it didn't go that way).
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| Re: which girl are you? by OMOMOMOM |
15-Sep-09/8:38 PM |
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eh, cutesy but not really interesting.
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| Re: David & Derrick by TheModestKing |
6-Jun-11/6:52 PM |
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| Re: Dashes of Deers can Hears by T. Jonathron Remp |
14-Sep-11/10:47 AM |
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the rhyming! I'm blinded by the rhyming!
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| Re: Help! by Dovina |
14-Sep-11/11:19 AM |
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| Re: Help! by Dovina |
22-Jun-12/3:42 PM |
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Makes me think we need youtube-style "reply-poems". HMMMM.
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| Re: Counting by Dovina |
22-Jun-12/3:49 PM |
I think "grave" is out of place (even though I'm sure you intended that, I think it's the wrong out of place, at that point?)
It's a lot of fun, a good one, but I want to trim it, slightly, find it a cadence (or a different one).
Like.
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| Re: Pandora's Box by Edna Sweetlove |
10-Mar-13/10:10 PM |
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nice finish, but the strokes up there were a bit unschooled—and if that was the point it's too meta for me. ;)
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| Re: wall flower by Freethinker1602 |
11-Mar-13/1:41 AM |
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Cute, in that it dances around the subject...but it does so so repetitiously! So repetitiously. As if it were repeating itself, verse after verse, saying the same thing. This needs to say something else, too, or instead. Try some specifics. Make us care about this character, in particular (or make the dance itself more interesting, but even then, it should be more personal).
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| Re: Sponds Hill, Cheshire, 26 December 2013 by Nicholas Jones |
26-Jun-14/8:10 AM |
Thirteen years? Poemranker's been here...yes, for thirteen years. Wow.
I love a lot of this. Don't have enough mind left to say whether I love all of it or not.
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| Re: SUCH IS THE LOSS I FEEL by ARTIE |
30-Jan-15/1:21 PM |
This feels like you're writing from the heart, trying to find the words to make it more universal...but the effect for me is just that's it's more generic/bland.
The T'was feels affected, and [broken] stands out in an odd way as you're not playing with/using punctuation anywhere else....
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| Re: THE MASTER by ARTIE |
30-Jan-15/1:23 PM |
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interesting idea, but I'm not feeling it.
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| Re: Why we're here by ARTIE |
30-Jan-15/1:25 PM |
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Consciousness exists to destroy itself—from pain to pleasure, to make the pain go away—and retreat back to the nothingness from whence it came.
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| Re: One Fine Day by ARTIE |
30-Jan-15/1:26 PM |
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| Re: A mag that PAYS??? by SupremeDreamer |
30-Jan-15/1:27 PM |
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It paid semi-pro rates regardless; the "if it sells" was the long-tail dream of icing on the cake.
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| Re: Bill of Rights on A4 by T. Jonathron Remp |
30-Jan-15/1:28 PM |
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not following...nice flow/sounds.
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| Re: Pakistan school massacre by Dhanesh M Kumar |
30-Jan-15/1:30 PM |
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some nice images (or well-coined/well-conveyed), but doesn't really work for me as a poem.
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| Re: Untitled Future by ARTIE |
30-Jan-15/1:30 PM |
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I like how it leaves me hanging, but that's all that strikes me....
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