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Bill of Rights on A4 (Free verse) by T. Jonathron Remp
In between the weaving weaves on the lamp in Rasheed's Trailer, a breathing breathed a damp trail in the hole between the bowling alleys on 4th Street. The space elevator music was a bore in a beaker, I feel asleep on the floor like a tweaker, Hawking snored out his speaker. Keep an eye on my feet. Dribble dabble, I can pass the basket babble. Two points, three points, alley oops holy moly. Basketball would be mo doops with a goalie. Shaolin, I see ya frownin, imagine the score 4 to 4 Raid the fridge, mon. My Mongol empire lived on pigeons. I will only be happy if I can link together two solid tori carved from different trees:

Up the ladder: A POET'S EPITAPH
Down the ladder: Healing

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Arithmetic Mean: 2.0
Weighted score: 4.8577223
Overall Rank: 10435
Posted: December 23, 2014 9:45 AM PST; Last modified: December 23, 2014 9:45 AM PST
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Comments:
[n/a] nentwined @ ::1 | 30-Jan-15/1:28 PM | Reply
not following...nice flow/sounds.
[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp @ 127.0.0.1 > nentwined | 1-Nov-17/10:30 AM | Reply
A message from all of us: Please understand something before you critique it.
[n/a] nentwined @ ::1 > T. Jonathron Remp | 1-Nov-17/10:36 AM | Reply
It's a failure of the poem or myself, I don't care which. For me, this critique.
[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp @ 127.0.0.1 > nentwined | 1-Nov-17/10:38 AM | Reply
For clarification: you.
[n/a] nentwined @ ::1 > T. Jonathron Remp | 1-Nov-17/10:51 AM | Reply
I love you. :)
[n/a] T. Jonathron Remp @ 127.0.0.1 > nentwined | 1-Nov-17/10:54 AM | Reply
I'd hope.
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