| Re: Satisfaction by Ojiboch |
14-Sep-02/1:19 AM |
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when you get there there's no there there ( D Parker i think) the old human condition again ... 5
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Sep-02/1:42 AM |
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this is too good for a comparison with male onanism to sound anything but trite and crass , also the loss of millions for every successful conception but i've just woken up and can't figure how to stake my masculine claim in the life process more gracefully ..... 6, also the love you do express seems pretty good to me :-)
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| Re: We visited the gay men on the veranda by Frass |
14-Sep-02/1:54 AM |
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there's a lot of it about ; i'm surprised you were surprised . nice pome though ... no need to emphasise your non-gayness methinks ... 5
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| Re: america's promise by dylansong |
14-Sep-02/2:03 AM |
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A Un painted park bench .... is this a typo or politically subtle ? and are people a pain to the promise or visa versa ? too staccato for me but i live outside the promise and only live with the threat ..... 4
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| Re: cival by dylansong |
14-Sep-02/2:08 AM |
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same poison as the future too ... a day like any other for the world ... 4
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| Re: America the Beautiful? by pink_punk_kisses87 |
14-Sep-02/2:12 AM |
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from my perspective it's killing the indians ... sorry , native americans .. that made part of the americas great .... 3
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| Re: Kept Safe by trev086 |
14-Sep-02/2:15 AM |
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one way is to wait till the words come and apply to a situation rather than finding words for a poetical situation ... 3
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| Re: deluge by kawakurdi |
14-Sep-02/2:20 AM |
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imho the alliteration is overdone ..... 4
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| Re: Love Till the End by swat472 |
14-Sep-02/2:22 AM |
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a bit greetings cardy .... heart's in almost the right place though , i think ..... 3
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| Re: When I look inside my heart by Engelbert Humpalot |
8-Sep-06/8:02 AM |
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made me laugh i'm ashamed to admit ....
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| Re: Morning Glory by moyah8 |
16-Sep-06/9:08 AM |
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mmhh...not good, but i like the idea of trailing of into a(prose)observation after being constrained by rhyme ... the lines could be condensed for better flow
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
16-Sep-06/9:14 AM |
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the eyes are problematic here, dreary and shut but canny and overbearing.... shows little empathy
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| Re: don't touch me 2 by elderking |
16-Sep-06/9:23 AM |
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the last line needs working on i think ..it does lighten the intensity but is that intentional? does she want to touch him? or was he way out of order?
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| Re: Jose Streets by SupremeDreamer |
16-Sep-06/9:30 AM |
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maybe needs reworking? definitely a story worth the telling, but didn't flow for me... started off fizzing
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| Re: To be alive by nightowl |
16-Sep-06/9:34 AM |
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nice thought, shame about the words
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| Re: Flea poem by Sing4Jesus! |
16-Sep-06/9:41 AM |
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not good;either you really are fulla shit or are trying to overcome a strict christian upbringing, in which case respect, but it has all been done already...mainly in school toilets
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| Re: Upon meeting Mrs Gunn at the Butchers by Mr Pig |
16-Sep-06/9:43 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Sep-06/3:19 PM |
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hi, i was well impressed by yr flow poem , totally right on but more like a straight definition and idea rather than an actual poem...this one is one of the very few that totally gripped me...thanx..keep-em-coming..(necessary juice jarred a bit and trivial spelling error caused a hiccup)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
20-Sep-06/7:02 PM |
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starts off rocking and twists to sinister and disturbing scenes in what is possibly an exceedingly powerful and subtle poem ... or is it a creative writing project-excercise-thing ? if so it's still a lot of fun
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| Re: Weather poem part 6: idols by nypoet22 |
21-Sep-06/4:58 PM |
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..... and the best part by far so far imho
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