regarding some deleted poem...	14-Mar-03/6:27 AM
Oh man, that was great. It was even funnier the first time I read it because for some fucking reason I read lines 5/6 as "To breathe life into such a / splendid tuna" which was very evocative.
Re: sexy by elizabethann	14-Mar-03/7:03 AM
sorry, must limerick: Elizabethan elizabethann was recently told by her man to doll herself up (christ, what a schmuck) But she's not really sure that she can.
Re: forgiveness by elizabethann	17-Mar-03/4:28 AM
I hope you will take this the right way. I want to make a comment that is tricky, because maybe this is based on real life and maybe the friend you forgave really did die. BUT...it has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with the poem. It's like we're going along and you're setting us up for an emotional payoff and then the payoff is accidentally the last line from a completely different poem. It renders the preceding poem meaningless and absurd. You could fix this really easily, and keep the personal meaning for yourself, by saying something like "The day an enemy died" (that's a cheesy line, but I don't mean to write it for you just suggest a principle) Do you understand what I mean? The poem is about forgiveness, not death, irregardless of whether your friend in real life died.
Re: While flipping over stones by <{Baba^Yaga}>	17-Mar-03/1:57 PM
love it muchly
Re: the salt shaker by elizabethann	17-Mar-03/3:37 PM
better. I like it. one thing jars for me: "eating away the lining" The image of drinking tears is quite vivid for me, and plausible enough that I want to imagine it being true, that you do literally drink the tears. I want to put myself in the poem and vicariously feel the salt burning my throat. But then, if they ate away the lining of your stomach, you'd be dead and unable to have written the poem. By being TOO strong, it disassociates me, throws me out of the poem. See what I mean? If I were editing this poem, I would change away to at, "eating at the lining". Then I can still vicariously experience it. Lots of people might disagree with me though, some people like their images and metaphors as over-the-top as you can make 'em.
Re: I'll Break You Down by Crakyamuni	18-Mar-03/12:15 PM
roll again, please
Re: PIGS of the world by wLeBlanc IIIw	21-Mar-03/5:35 AM
ho-ho, busted! the complaint link isn't working... the male model is a tawdry thief.
Re: Dizzy by phbiscuit	2-Jan-04/5:40 PM
I liked this one too. It's also whimsical, like deadweight, but less gothic. I really am a sucker for whimsy. check out my pome Taller Girl, it has a spinning girl in it too. Assuming your spinner is a girl. Woman. Female. Person. You know.
Re: Where was god? by little_big_nose	2-Jan-04/6:24 PM
He was HANGING ON THE CROSS bleeding his guts out so that...so that, um, SO HIS FATHER COULD LET YOU INTO HEAVEN instead of having to send you to ETERNAL DAMNATION, you ungrateful clod. Don't be deceived by letting SATAN MAKE YOU THINK THERE's SO MUCH EMPHASIS on this physical plane. God is concerned with our SOULS not with our PHYSICAL BODIES. Sometimes what he IS FORCED TO DO TO COMBAT SATAN and save our ETERNAL SOULS is hard for us to understand with our emphasis on EARTHLY CONCERNS. Since your cousin OD'd she's DEFINITELY GOING TO HELL, but maybe if she'd lived 10 years longer she would have had two little babies and DECEIVED THEM INTO HELL TOO!!!!! So God had to take her now to SAVE THE BABIES FROM HELL!!!! Who are YOU to QUESTION GOD?
Re: Haiku 2004 by Princess_Snowflake	3-Jan-04/7:29 AM
This is absolutely briliant. Though I suspect the use of "the" in line two was incidentall, and intended only to achieve sylable count, the result is nevertheles startlingly evocative.
Re: I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake	3-Jan-04/7:37 AM
Oh YES baby. This coffee, it VIBRATES? Seriously I don't care how many rules this poem breaks I love it. It is robust, exuberant, with an innocent aftertaste of blossoms, full of body. And full of metaphorical body, or at least i read it that way, but I'm just an old lech. I COULD NOT STOP thinking "blowjob" the whole way through. I WANT TO BE COFFEE!!!! Can I be coffee, can I please please? KEEP going snowflake, I think you are the next Princess Bukowski.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-04/7:45 AM
There's no way one day is enough for remembering the way Our Lord came. It was a prodigious coming, a coming like no other coming before and no coming since. Borne among animals, what He proved in his growth requires WEEKS out of the year to comprehend.
Re: Eating My Soul by little_big_nose	3-Jan-04/8:53 AM
I'm trying to parse the first stanza and I would like to know if I got it right. I'll add in the conjunctive phrases I am using to provide an interpretation in square brackets: [while]Eating my soul[,] Your touch is so cold [that] I thought you meant [to eat] everything [but instead] You [have] made it into a whole lot of NOTHING [making the exercise of having my soul eaten seem somewhat pointless since it no longer exists] Ok, I know that last bit is a little more than a conjunctive phrase, but did I get it more or less right? Thanks.
regarding some deleted poem...	3-Jan-04/11:04 AM
I know exactly how you feel. I too have always hated that weird smell that girls have when they cry.
Re: Fireplay by drjhoss	3-Jan-04/1:42 PM
ok, let me see if I got this: You (a slave with a master) were playing with matches under a lark's nest, the fire got a little out of hand and people started singing, their chorus drowning out the chirping of the lark as everyone rushed to and fro trying to put the fire out. You realized that once again you screwed up, because every time play with fire without your master's supervision, you accidentally set larks' nests on fire. You're so confused now that you forget how to get home so you hope your loving master will show up and show you the path so you can go home where he will care for you, but you're pretty sure he will make you crawl home begging. Pardon me, but WHAT THE HELL are you TALKING about??? Are you, like, some kind of bdsm scene person who sets fires and then gets their "master" to spank them for it? Is this a fetish poem? I don't get it.
Re: New commandments by little_big_nose	12-Jan-04/1:40 AM
There's a goth that forgets all his u's When he rants at the folk in their pews But if you can't spell Than even in hell You'll get nothing from us but abuse.
Re: The Grandfather Suite by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	24-Jan-04/4:36 AM
When Granddaddy gave us a lickin' He kept time with the hall clock's slow tickin' It wasn't the pain That made us insane But so long to his stump to be stickin'
Re: Thoughts by nicole081083	24-Jan-04/4:50 AM
It would take at most fifteen minutes to revise this to have reasonable rhythm instead of totally fucked rhythm and to fix the broken rhyme in the last stanza. How lazy can you be?
Re: The Hermit by sykes	29-Jan-04/4:27 AM
Dieser hier ist kein Übermensch, sondern ein Überkitsch.
regarding some deleted poem...	29-Jan-04/2:22 PM
well...I'm the kind of person who embarasses himself cracking up laughing at funerals and other sombre occasions, but still I think you go a little too over the top to keep a completely straight face. Particularly egregious for me was "bury us yonder." Which is too bad, because it could be moody and broody and nicely dark, which is what I think you intended. can you rhyme Losserand with stands? I'm a bad Canadian and have next to no French, but I think the a is long as in father?