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forgiveness (Free verse) by elizabethann We cried together
Our tears became one when we sat
on that cold linoleum floor.
The pink tiles stayed in my mind.
Mildew from over the years
had grown and attacked.
No words were spoken
but we relived all our mistakes.
When I blew you off
and you spread the rumors.
We forgave each other
Without an apology.
Spiderwebs filled the corners
dead bugs had met their doom.
I reached for your hand and
you didn't pull away.
It was more than enough.
Everytime I walk in there
I smell your perfume
I see your glistening green eyes
I hear our sobs in sync.
I remember the day you died.
Up the ladder:
Ode to Chicken Kiev
Down the ladder:
A morning conflict
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 5.4
Posted: March 8, 2003 2:33 PM PST; Last modified: March 8, 2003 2:33 PM PSTWeighted score: 5.0476813 Overall Rank: 6851 Comments:
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TrulyUnique0642 @ 64.157.177.192
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8-Mar-03/6:27 PM
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Reply
i think the way this poem kinda leaves you hangin is wierd, but i think i like it!!
Good.
For you, that is.
I hope you will take this the right way. I want to make a comment that is tricky, because maybe this is based on real life and maybe the friend you forgave really did die.
BUT...it has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with the poem. It's like we're going along and you're setting us up for an emotional payoff and then the payoff is accidentally the last line from a completely different poem. It renders the preceding poem meaningless and absurd. You could fix this really easily, and keep the personal meaning for yourself, by saying something like "The day an enemy died" (that's a cheesy line, but I don't mean to write it for you just suggest a principle) Do you understand what I mean? The poem is about forgiveness, not death, irregardless of whether your friend in real life died. 160 view(s)
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