| Re: Touchdown by Mona Lisa |
13-Jun-03/10:33 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Jun-03/10:34 AM |
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Ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 10.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Jun-03/10:35 AM |
Before madness came
he leaned back in the sun
smiled at his mom.
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| Re: Dirge by Nicholas Jones |
13-Jun-03/10:38 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Jun-03/11:06 AM |
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I hate when that happens/ a lot.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
13-Jun-03/11:12 AM |
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Replace your second absently with a curiously or a faithfully or something different (indifferently?) you know? Whatta ya think?
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| Re: You Were There by capachijim |
13-Jun-03/11:19 AM |
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I met a girl with tangerine wedges I wish would pick up the phone, and say this to me, but I know she won't, because I'm the devil.
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| Re: Advise by Audaciouslilgrl |
13-Jun-03/11:44 AM |
Unfortunately I'm scared to DEATH to be me, and that, thank god, is how I put that much more Kale into my "apocalyptic" power poetry (Jared Leto taught that to me one night while we were 30 seconds to Uranus)
Now a prayer;
Oh lord, let this curse of brilliance subside so I can walk around in bad lala poetry land with these wretched little fucking computer brats and their ridiculous real life observations that they've obviously garnered from the computer also, and or a close friend, that found early age tragedy. Lord let them read more and quit making my eye balls spontaneously deflate, and my asshole randomly whistle strange alien anthems in the cold dark fistings of the night, Amen.
Ps. Send my the new pringles before anyone else sweet jesu i fucking love pringles.
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| Re: Dear God; by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
13-Jun-03/4:28 PM |
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| Re: In (ghazal) by INTRANSIT |
14-Jun-03/9:18 AM |
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Try to edit this making each sentence seperate yet connected, lover.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-03/6:36 PM |
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"are you john? or is there another john we don't know about". Look John, you have two 10's, and a 9nsky? I think people are well on their way to appreciating the amount of mundane energy & feckless thought you coincidentally force feed your poetry, and us. Good work.
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| Re: Extra Strength Tylenol by DurtKL |
14-Jun-03/6:58 PM |
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I'm changing my 2 to a 7, because you deserve better here. You've paid your dues, and this piece stood its ground, and it still does. I would make it an 8, but I hate tylenol, because my cousin died of Ryan's syndrome.
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| Re: Dear God; by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
14-Jun-03/7:11 PM |
Haiku (freeverse) by bike
In this poem?
You represent god.
Could you tell?
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| Re: Janine (a set of haikus) by capachijim |
14-Jun-03/7:19 PM |
Nicely done, did you know that I was the first person on this site to group together sets of haikus to tell a broader story? Now you do. My only red mark would be
"The prettiest one,
Everyone meets in their life,
That captures them so."
Using one right before everyone? And then again later, unless your title was "one" then it might work, but not here. Change second stanza's "one" into a stronger none, or verb, such as nymph, thing, love, girl, can, upholestry, get my drift? Otherwise 8. Now leave me alone.
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| Re: If i Father by Wulf |
14-Jun-03/7:24 PM |
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Also... Three dots are better than 4.
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| Re: If i Father by Wulf |
14-Jun-03/7:25 PM |
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If you punctuated your I's and and grammarically scrutinized over an edit you'd, I believe, get the marks that this deserves.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-Jun-03/12:02 PM |
A balloon (freeverse) by a child
A balloon blown to be popped/
seen cuz it's all red/
above the idiots/
fed by hot air/
all the time pre-space/
then just a balloon/
in balloon heaven
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| Re: Pendulum swing lines by INTRANSIT |
15-Jun-03/12:07 PM |
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| Re: To Mouse and Reason by Spindle |
15-Jun-03/12:20 PM |
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| Re: New school nursery rhymes by DeadtotheWorld |
15-Jun-03/12:31 PM |
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Shat, shate, and shating make reading any poor poets poem worth it, but the rest of your work here is shat, and particularly general and unimaginative. Perhaps if you would have fucked Dina with a dwarf's gnarled caloused fist holding a square bowling ball? Or turned the spider into Carl Jung's left testicle carrying a rose in it's teeth, maybe if you added the noise of an airplane flying overhead, or a loudspeaker ending a factory's break, I might of felt more connected?
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