| Re: we're insane by nolan |
4-May-03/6:43 AM |
ah the old I'm the only sane one concept
I like how it speeds up at the end, but perhaps in need of a few more ideas
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| Re: When We Parted by anitawit |
3-May-03/10:07 AM |
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Sweet and well put together
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| Re: Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger |
2-May-03/2:35 PM |
yes, well redrafted
very tight
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| Re: Manhattan by night by bondjedi |
2-May-03/11:04 AM |
Some nice comments
perhaps more smart than insightful
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| Re: he was the one i had written about before i met him 2 by rockinindividual |
2-May-03/11:01 AM |
flows well,
bit like a flashbulb memory but needs elaborating a bit I think with some insight
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| Re: Baron Von Paranoia's lurid chap book by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
2-May-03/10:58 AM |
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mad as a jimeney cricket and interesting language
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| Re: Too Long by Luv2write |
2-May-03/10:56 AM |
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not quite enough creative bites here, but the use of contrast is good
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| Re: Sir John Betjeman is dead Nicholas. by Bachus |
2-May-03/10:52 AM |
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Rhyming myfanwy with passage, betjemen would have been proud
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| Re: Pour vous en seul by e1ementfire |
30-Apr-03/11:11 AM |
Good this, a poem using the most basic words arranged
(so basic even I can translate it)
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| Re: Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
30-Apr-03/11:09 AM |
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Like this, worthy of haiku
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| Re: The Captain Plecostumus Rap by INTRANSIT |
30-Apr-03/11:07 AM |
Will Smith right?
Remember me when you are president
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| Re: Dumb Ideas by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
29-Apr-03/10:29 AM |
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the loud rhymes and wreckless use of words give this a spirit of humor and exasperation
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| Re: The Bored Housewife by Caducus |
29-Apr-03/10:27 AM |
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I don't want to take sides here, But it read well very fluent
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| Re: PLAYMOBIL by Garrett S Sexton |
27-Apr-03/5:03 AM |
this is good
One of your own technical structures?
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| Re: Death Of A Rose (New draft) by Mr Pig |
27-Apr-03/5:01 AM |
Interesting, you seem to have changed the tone of the poem wildly by changing one word
very charming
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| Re: 3am and six cups of coffee gets you nowhere by Blindproject217 |
27-Apr-03/4:59 AM |
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the changing lines of thought work well with the flowing nature of this poem
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| Re: I Speak of Expanses by anitawit |
26-Apr-03/10:19 AM |
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| Re: Jared Leto & Apocalyptic poetry. by Shardik |
26-Apr-03/10:15 AM |
reads more like an opinion than a poem
structure is good though
and logic is clear, well logic is always clear
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| Re: Death Of A Rose (New draft) by Mr Pig |
26-Apr-03/10:12 AM |
yes I would change lacerated too, it just seems out of place.
Overall though very delicate and in the spirit of haiku(if not quite the syllable count)
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| Re: Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger |
26-Apr-03/10:09 AM |
very vividly told
very fairytale like, gentle
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