on When We Parted by anitawit
3 May 2003, 10:07 AM
Sweet and well put together
on Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger
2 May 2003, 2:35 PM
yes, well redrafted
very tight
very tight
on Manhattan by night by bondjedi
2 May 2003, 11:04 AM
Some nice comments
perhaps more smart than insightful
perhaps more smart than insightful
on he was the one i had written about before i met him 2 by rockinindividual
2 May 2003, 11:01 AM
flows well,
bit like a flashbulb memory but needs elaborating a bit I think with some insight
bit like a flashbulb memory but needs elaborating a bit I think with some insight
on Baron Von Paranoia's lurid chap book by <{Baba^Yaga}>
2 May 2003, 10:58 AM
mad as a jimeney cricket and interesting language
on Sir John Betjeman is dead Nicholas. by Bachus
2 May 2003, 10:52 AM
Rhyming myfanwy with passage, betjemen would have been proud
on Pour vous en seul by e1ementfire
30 Apr 2003, 11:11 AM
Good this, a poem using the most basic words arranged
(so basic even I can translate it)
(so basic even I can translate it)
on Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos
30 Apr 2003, 11:09 AM
Like this, worthy of haiku
on The Captain Plecostumus Rap by INTRANSIT
30 Apr 2003, 11:07 AM
Will Smith right?
Remember me when you are president
Remember me when you are president
on Dumb Ideas by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Apr 2003, 10:29 AM
the loud rhymes and wreckless use of words give this a spirit of humor and exasperation
on The Bored Housewife by Caducus
29 Apr 2003, 10:27 AM
I don't want to take sides here, But it read well very fluent
on PLAYMOBIL by Garrett S Sexton
27 Apr 2003, 5:03 AM
this is good
One of your own technical structures?
One of your own technical structures?
on Death Of A Rose (New draft) by Mr Pig
27 Apr 2003, 5:01 AM
Interesting, you seem to have changed the tone of the poem wildly by changing one word
very charming
very charming
on 3am and six cups of coffee gets you nowhere by Blindproject217
27 Apr 2003, 4:59 AM
the changing lines of thought work well with the flowing nature of this poem
on I Speak of Expanses by anitawit
26 Apr 2003, 10:19 AM
nice use of repetition
on Jared Leto & Apocalyptic poetry. by Shardik
26 Apr 2003, 10:15 AM
reads more like an opinion than a poem
structure is good though
and logic is clear, well logic is always clear
structure is good though
and logic is clear, well logic is always clear
on Death Of A Rose (New draft) by Mr Pig
26 Apr 2003, 10:12 AM
yes I would change lacerated too, it just seems out of place.
Overall though very delicate and in the spirit of haiku(if not quite the syllable count)
Overall though very delicate and in the spirit of haiku(if not quite the syllable count)
on Beauty, sleeping (revised) by Ranger
26 Apr 2003, 10:09 AM
very vividly told
very fairytale like, gentle
very fairytale like, gentle
I like how it speeds up at the end, but perhaps in need of a few more ideas