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I Speak of Expanses (Other) by anitawit
Sunflower midst I thought I'd be Yellow fields stretched around me Blue of the sky as far as I see Expanses, I speak of expanses Starlit sky of a moonless night Prussian universe for my flight Into this deep darkness I alight Expanses, I speak of expanses Wild black ocean lashing land Tugging at me as I sit on sand Compelling me that I expand Expanses, I speak of expanses Dark green mountain-forest trees Murmuring to the fingering breeze Whispering once more of release Expanses, I speak of expanses

Up the ladder: The Trees
Down the ladder: Pine

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Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
 GraphVotes
10  .. 00
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Arithmetic Mean: 6.714286
Weighted score: 5.4610424
Overall Rank: 2861
Posted: April 25, 2003 12:33 AM PDT; Last modified: April 25, 2003 12:33 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] INTRANSIT @ 152.163.188.72 | 25-Apr-03/6:44 AM | Reply
Lines 2 and 7 seem a wee off beat. but it's quite enjoyable.
[n/a] anitawit @ 203.94.201.162 > INTRANSIT | 25-Apr-03/1:45 PM | Reply
How about -
'Yellow fields stretched 'round me' and
'Into this darkness I alight'?
[9] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.96.139 > anitawit | 25-Apr-03/6:16 PM | Reply
bingo. always read it aloud to yourself or get someone to read it aloud to you. you might feel a little sick but it goes away quickly. And it helps gobs.
[8] Bachus @ 24.126.113.154 | 25-Apr-03/8:59 PM | Reply
good, but I would end losing the last line instead for another line of impeccably aloof metaphors.
[n/a] anitawit @ 203.94.194.202 > Bachus | 26-Apr-03/1:30 PM | Reply
Yes, yes, yes. Definitely increases the sense of expansion, may be I'll bring myself to lose the last line soon.
[7] richa @ 195.92.168.173 | 26-Apr-03/10:19 AM | Reply
nice use of repetition
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.101 | 26-Apr-03/11:50 AM | Reply
nice use of repetition
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.101 | 26-Apr-03/11:51 AM | Reply
the repetitive use of repetition is nice
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 131.111.8.101 | 26-Apr-03/11:52 AM | Reply
nice repetative use of repeated repetition
[n/a] anitawit @ 203.94.194.202 > -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. | 26-Apr-03/1:23 PM | Reply
nice repetition of repetative use of repeated repetition
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