| regarding some deleted poem... |
31-Jul-03/7:27 AM |
Read TS eliot/ezra pound/tedhughes/sylvia plath.
There is no doubt these are great poets. And you probably think they talk shit that makes no sense too.
As you get older you will understand them better, and it will help you with your own writing.
I started out like you stringing together cliches that rhymed and people slagged me off too. But things get better in time and you get better in time.
Beauty to me sounded like a poem without an authentic voice. If you write for yourself you will find your poems become more original and noteworthy.
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| Re: I, criminal by INTRANSIT |
31-Jul-03/9:10 AM |
oh I get it you are in jail. Cool idea
I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
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| Re: Your Great by scitz |
31-Jul-03/9:14 AM |
Get it!
I'm getting quite a lot today
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| Re: Bearings by emilyowey |
3-Aug-03/11:20 AM |
Not sure you have a breath to stand on.
Anything thats real is an irritating modern day cliche.
Like the bit leading up to show me my direction and the penultimate line although the final line is a bit of a damp squib.
Not bad though
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| Re: In Gold Leaf by bearhead |
3-Aug-03/11:23 AM |
'one must tithe the soul' I'm sure I'd agree if I knew what it meant.
Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent.
Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
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| Re: A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote |
3-Aug-03/11:31 AM |
Not sure why god is masquerading as a prostitute.
I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less.
Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
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| Re: A Circle Starts with C by rusty |
3-Aug-03/11:37 AM |
This poem is nonsense, good parts but doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head
other than that OK
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| Re: Grampa Morris by http://bandgeek |
3-Aug-03/11:41 AM |
fourth stanza you start talking to someone but it is not obvious who. It breaks the flow.
I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived.
Other than that nice language selection and all
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| Re: I Can See the Sunset in Her Eyes by justjay |
3-Aug-03/11:43 AM |
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| Re: A Dreamers Cookery: Cosmic Gardener [edited] by SupremeDreamer |
3-Aug-03/11:51 AM |
very ambitious.
Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right.
Logic impecable.
First verse is good, nice images.
Not sure about 2 and three.
perhaps a little more subtelty
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Aug-03/1:28 PM |
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'i not ready to hear' are you foreign. And I have met michael douglas and he didn't smell of piss
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Aug-03/1:30 PM |
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Nice haiku, like the title
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/5:52 AM |
the 'so' in the third couplet refers to answering so (in the affirmative).
Anyone making suggestions could say which lines I could leave out.
thanks
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| Re: I wanna die by scitz |
5-Aug-03/7:55 AM |
I guess making it a pimple lets you get away with the childish indulgence.
Good, but only because you don't mean it
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| Re: A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom |
5-Aug-03/7:58 AM |
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better when read as a pice of prose. The ending is not snappy enough though
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/8:07 AM |
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if you meant her sweaty embrace, it was the best part of the poem
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| Re: Palm Field Park by SupremeDreamer |
5-Aug-03/8:12 AM |
most of the first two verses are not needed. This works for me as the parable of a child alone.
And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
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| Re: Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer |
5-Aug-03/8:15 AM |
ghosts do not have skin,
other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
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| Re: Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend |
5-Aug-03/8:22 AM |
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nice raw images, I like unharnessed elevator
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
5-Aug-03/12:50 PM |
a kind of pass note poetry,
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