Re: Notes toward a possible poem by Nicholas Jones	5-Feb-04/8:53 AM
last 4 lines are hard to read, the rest is fine. Certainly a classier poem about poetry.
Re: A Different Point Of View by Billy Biff-Chin	5-Feb-04/8:55 AM
The best part of this is when I misread heart as beast '[after I put] my beast into you'
Re: A Panglossian Farmer by richa	5-Feb-04/9:20 AM
Other - because it is more a sketch than a poem
Re: Gardener by lastobelus	5-Feb-04/11:37 PM
Verse 2 is very sweet, could be a poem in itself that image.
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Feb-04/12:45 PM
If you were to get rid of the last line the 'burn as deeply' would have to be more precise so as to indicate the fire as destructive.
Re: A Cacodemon's Sermon [Revised Edition] by Y2kSlamPoet	12-Feb-04/7:53 AM
A little long, and the end almost collapses into politikspeak. Good through - the first verse is my favourite.
Re: Lisa's Song by horus8	12-Feb-04/7:57 AM
Apart from verses 4 and 6 which are a little lighweight, this really packs a lot of stuff into its lines.
Re: i need a title by That One	12-Feb-04/8:18 AM
Third line get rid of just Spell realitye correctly And try and make the final four lines make sense. In terms of a title - find a theme in the poem, or write a startling image. That could be used as the title.
Re: Sweet Goodbye by ashley	12-Feb-04/8:24 AM
Too many pop cliches - to you... you do - crazy in love - - love is real - - laidback style - so naff it would appear in a blue song.
Re: Nowhere but now by phbiscuit	12-Feb-04/11:37 AM
Good, short lines are always difficult as the break should serve a purpose.
Re: you're so romantic by plinkyponk	13-Feb-04/9:24 AM
And this is why there is no respected anthology for schizophrenic poetry. The free association.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/9:29 AM
You go from bar to battle to monster in three lines. Try and develop your figures of speech. Otherwise they may as well just be randomly generated on some orwellian versificator.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Feb-04/9:32 AM
This one needs more bite (an active voice?). Your writing is always enjoyable though
regarding some deleted poem...	15-Feb-04/3:11 PM
Seriously, sort out the spelling. Don't really see the stretched out legs (not in this context. Some nice wordplay though - some/others/all
Re: Freud suggested that I commit murder. by DreamerSupreme	17-Feb-04/7:19 AM
Good, There is a tendency to be a bit self-absorbed in some of your poems but this one steers well clear and is the better for it. 'this crazy brain of mine' is a bit look at me I'm crazy though. And jung? I wasn't aware he was obsessed with sex in the same way freud was.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Feb-04/7:21 AM
Sometimes fireworks go off in my bed. Teach me for leaving the windows open at divali. Anyway I think this is better than some of your others. Not so many daft metaphors.
regarding some deleted poem...	17-Feb-04/7:25 AM
I understand this fine, but the last few lines of verse 1 are technically speaking not entirely grammatical. Also why does the yearning (kind of vague) you hear have to echo? Good though.
Re: The daisy-chain girl by richa	17-Feb-04/1:41 PM
Put an extra verse as the poem did not state the girl was making daisy chains on the grass, still. 'we are not in ancient rome' 'with chains and feet'? (two roman measures).
Re: My heart had a war...no body won by sonawrote	17-Feb-04/1:52 PM
Should be reclassified a pimple for the line 'couldn't get your naked bod/ out of my mind' Had me rolling around.
Re: The Angry Bush by wilco	19-Feb-04/7:12 AM
Quite cute. The last verse goes backwards though. I thought trouble was brewing. Then you tell us you are going to cut off ties - doesn't really follow.