| Re: petal soft whispers by fair12 |
22-Jan-04/6:02 AM |
The alliteration is a bit of an annoyance in parts. But that is my only pick.
Good stuff, plentiful
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| Re: the small drop by richa |
25-Jan-04/5:34 AM |
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| Re: World policy by penguin fiend |
25-Jan-04/5:35 AM |
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Give your computer a rhyming dictionary and you are redundant with this poem.
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| Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71 |
26-Jan-04/10:42 AM |
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lines three and four are quite good, has a nice laidback feel
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| Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30 |
26-Jan-04/10:45 AM |
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a bit cliched, I quite like the way you've stopped the poem dead at the end.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
26-Jan-04/10:51 AM |
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verse two and three I like, especially three, an interesting (almost) irony.
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| Re: The Ballade of Hollis Browne by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
26-Jan-04/2:31 PM |
All the mathematics and crude jokes in the world will never make you bob dylan.
I suggest you take your place in the commoners roome!!!
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| Re: Come off with me Carly back into the city by zodiac |
29-Jan-04/8:31 AM |
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this poem really benefits from the introduction. To me the superstition, almost delusion contrasts really well with the sadness.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
29-Jan-04/10:18 AM |
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not sure the couplets work for this poem, especially when they break between verse two and three.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jan-04/3:26 PM |
100% with goad on this one, sadism is not about hate.
When you make a simple mistake like this it annoys the reader.
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| Re: Drizzle by Sam |
30-Jan-04/3:34 PM |
It reads quite well, but falls into so many traps.
Cliches - glimmer like glass faeries/fall like rain
Scientific words - fluvial (why not river?)
staple poetic words - forlorn.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
30-Jan-04/3:40 PM |
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Same as everyone else really -- tell me more about this crime, just don't leave it abstract or I will start to believe it does not exist (even in the imagination).
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
1-Feb-04/12:39 PM |
Best bit about this is 'wanted to do the chick right'.
That by finishing the poeme you had something more meaningful.
(if you meant do right by her).
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| Re: Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. |
2-Feb-04/10:01 AM |
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| Re: Friends come and go, but sisters lasts forever. by devina |
2-Feb-04/10:22 AM |
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'I can´t explain all of this' no but you could at least try to!
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| Re: Nina Simone (part one) by zodiac |
2-Feb-04/10:24 AM |
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Cool, especially the ending.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Feb-04/10:31 AM |
Like the first verse better, very melodramatic/classic.
(when I finally realised brutal and futile rhyme in american)
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
2-Feb-04/1:26 PM |
Sometimes you remind me of chef from southpark.
You start with the words of love and then its all limbs entwining and stroking.
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| Re: Necromancers Song (Incubus Guitar & Buddhist Drums) by SupremeDreamer |
5-Feb-04/8:44 AM |
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well written, reads smoothly
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| Re: Soft Beak; Hard lotion by Bachus |
5-Feb-04/8:48 AM |
Plenty of stuff to grab the attention.
I would say however that many defenceless animals are very ugly and make unpleasant sounds, why weren't they mentioned?
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