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20 most recent comments by richa (461-480)

Re: The Blues by fevriere 12-Jan-04/11:12 AM
'Hang like blues' doesn't make any sense.

And I know there are those that have to cause fear, that would have us believe there were criminals on every corner. Nevertheless how did these criminals manage to sneek into your poem.

His hands kissed you? must be to do with strumming but..
Re: The Blues by fevriere 12-Jan-04/11:12 AM
Dull as norfolk made me laugh
Re: The woods house by zodiac 14-Jan-04/9:42 AM
A nice wandering story, grandmaster Dark angel may correct me on this but I think the line breaks are a bit off.

Like the ending, probably the poems best line.
Re: Dry Beast Night by fevriere 14-Jan-04/9:45 AM
Not dead keen on sestinas, this is good though.

A couple of picks. 'salt moisture'? and 'growl for sleep'
regarding some deleted poem... 14-Jan-04/9:57 AM
The flow of this is very good as always, and I like the three lines leading up to 'pure science'.

Science a comment on the design of shoolboy weapons I guess (and pure being a pun on 'pure sciences').

Re: Stand by me by Cougarchic 14-Jan-04/10:03 AM
A little too much silliness really. 'My state of mind is a real disgust'???!. I don't care if it does rhyme.
regarding some deleted poem... 15-Jan-04/5:56 AM
Quite good, a lot of the worst poems on p/r are predominantly narrative like this so you have done well to make the words seem fresh.

Couple of picks:

'like my getaway' you do not have a getaway of your own aside from the voice. Voice is my getaway makes more sense. Likewise with 'my pathway'
Re: Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer 15-Jan-04/11:32 AM
Nice ideas but too didactic. It is not for you to tell the reader how it is but to relate your feelings and perceptions.


Chinese room - a man is sent into a room not understanding chinese, but nevertheless given a book which helps him transform chinese questions into answers.
regarding some deleted poem... 17-Jan-04/8:04 AM
Not sure the eccentric rhyming scheme works. No need to interupt the story in such a way.

That aside this is a very poignant allegory.

Possibly your best with sidewalked.
Re: across the lake by baden 17-Jan-04/8:08 AM
Seems to flow well bar the last verse. A little unremarkable though - would get a few marks on the dark angel mediocrity scale perhaps.
Re: Doe by OneFingerAnswer 18-Jan-04/5:19 AM
Your last one about gayness was too clumsy and didactic.

This one is really good, the tone, much more thoughtful.
Re: sex in the city/sex in the country by tralala42001 18-Jan-04/5:22 AM
The first 3/4 verses are good, the end just degenerates.
Re: Why you don't fall through the floor by ?-Dave_Mysterious-? 20-Jan-04/12:59 AM
Are the maths community impressed when you post poems on mathsranker?
regarding some deleted poem... 20-Jan-04/5:14 AM
'forget what they have done' is incongruous, who are the they? the line does not belong to this poem.

Cliched, but well put together.
regarding some deleted poem... 20-Jan-04/7:03 AM
If you don't, it is a skive lesson.
Re: My deepest thoughts by poetandknowit 21-Jan-04/1:31 PM
Personally I think toilet poems are a valid art form.

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=2690
regarding some deleted poem... 22-Jan-04/5:15 AM
Third verse is not needed, we already know. And the rhyme gets a bit manic.

The idea is good though.
regarding some deleted poem... 22-Jan-04/5:51 AM
I think to call the sands blasphemous you would have to be a canute as he thought he had control of parts of nature.

Canescent moon - candescent, like a candle?

The weight of water is a good idea but lighter than the burden of lost love is a bit too much.

Still, overall an impressive use of language.



Re: At The Station by Christof 22-Jan-04/5:56 AM
'Or the old dear collecting for terminal patients,' is not grammatical in the poem. It needs separating from 'either hustling for connections clause' which is talking about people plural.

Other than that good, is the formaldehyde reference inspired by damien hirst?
Re: Drying, Cracked Roots by AnotherNothing 22-Jan-04/5:59 AM
Personally I would say from an everything that exists in a place can not be said to be 'not meant to'. Even dead things.


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