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Doe (Other) by OneFingerAnswer No candles at your vigil
No one at your wake
No one was at your side
And so no one cried
That little girl didnât dance any more
Her only shaking was in her hands
Notes didnât move her feet
Under that head hung in defeat
No flowers on your grave
No name on the stone
No one came around
As they put you in the ground
Up the ladder:
Darkness In Disguise
Down the ladder:
It
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Posted: January 18, 2004 2:57 AM PST; Last modified: January 18, 2004 2:57 AM PSTWeighted score: 5.2384057 Overall Rank: 4071 Comments:
Great use of 'cried' to rhyme with 'side', but was her head really hung in defeat? I doubt it. You just needed her head to be hung in something that rhymed with 'feet'.
-no vote-
-10-
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This one is really good, the tone, much more thoughtful.