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Drying, Cracked Roots (Free verse) by AnotherNothing Drying, cracked roots
Hold up the pathetic tree
Simply surviving in a place
No one cares to see
Every day the constant trial
To endure the steady sun,
But gradually understanding
Nothing more can be done
Suffering harrowing days and nights
Until the cycle begins again,
More painful is the knowing of
All that could have been
Nameless on the dusty road
No one will see the trees
Finally wither in a place
Never meant to be.
Up the ladder:
Love, Lust, Lost
Down the ladder:
Free reign
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 8.090909
Posted: January 21, 2004 5:37 PM PST; Last modified: January 21, 2004 5:37 PM PSTWeighted score: 6.5454545 Overall Rank: 657 Comments:
[8]
deleted user @ 205.188.209.14
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21-Jan-04/5:43 PM
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Reply
i like it, a little depressing for me right now but good. What exactly is the theme, im thick headed
Hmm. The thoughts are well-held in the beginning and end, but the phraseology might have been a little more flexible in the middle-part.
Personally I would say from an everything that exists in a place can not be said to be 'not meant to'. Even dead things.
Thanks for the comments. The original theme would be poverty, but really extends to anything that survives under unlikely and fruitless conditions. I know i messed up in the middle, but this was a long time ago, and i pretty much just gave up.
I like that it is a non-typical angle on the life of a tree; futility rather than growth and life (the same thing, perhaps).
What about changing the last "trees" to a specific kind of trees? Don't do willow - too "done". Alternatively, maybe a specific *part* of a tree (trunks, roots, branches...). anyway, I like what you have, more so for the different perspective.
The middle got a little loose, but this is cool...I get the thought. Fruitless places, things, people...things stagnant... resignation. I wish this would have been as good as the thought that started it...I would guess you didn't get it on paper as quick as it came to your mind. Gave you a decent score anyway!
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