poemranker ::the small drop by richa

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Free verse № 80480

the small drop

by richa

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Jan 2004 · 9 comments

Water, runs off the gutters onto sodden stone borders, a small drop hangs from long grass like the wet wax on a candle and it is this small drop that the gods long look down on through the glass house of this earth, and weigh from every angle as though they were a sunlight.

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mean 9.20 weighted 5.50 rank 2676 views 290 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

9 comments

[n/a] richa 25-Jan-04/5:34 AM Reply
a reworking of the loved child :

http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp;jsessionid=az39OjE0y599?id=71142
[9] zodiac 25-Jan-04/8:28 AM Reply
Good as always. Comments: 1.) the comma after 'water' shouldn't be there. Maybe you could put a line break there instead. 2.) there should be some kind of punctuation after the end of the first stanza 3.) 'a sunlight' is weird when just 'they were sunlight' would be just as good. You get a nine because, though it's not perfect, it's better than all the crap getting unwarranted 9s and 10s on this site.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › zodiac 25-Jan-04/8:51 AM Reply
So your response to mark inflation is just to give higher marks? That'll definitely help!!1
[9] zodiac › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 25-Jan-04/9:50 AM Reply
Yeah. guess I'll stick with only semi-topical comments.
[9] Goad 25-Jan-04/10:08 AM Reply
I agree with zodiac except I don't mind "they were a sunlight". It made me pause and consider the last line more deeply. If you want to demarcate "Water" set it off with a colon or by giving it its own line.

Hmm, just a thought, what about "disguising themselves as sunlight" or posing as sunlight, or something along those lines?
[9] unouluvme 25-Jan-04/10:42 AM Reply
Loved it. Made me think. Its one of those poems that makes you read it again.
[9] abecedarian 26-Jan-04/10:50 AM Reply
Wonderful, richa. Perhaps '..and weigh through it every angle'. I think it fits more with what you're getting at (or at least my simple understanding of your intent).
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Jan-04/12:26 PM Reply
What do you think about your likening a drop of water on a blade of grass to a drop of wax on a candle? One drop for another drop? If this poeme had been about a drop of wax on a candle, would you have likened it to a drop of water on the tip of a blade of grass? If so, then buncombe.
[n/a] richa › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 26-Jan-04/2:27 PM Reply
A drop of water could be in a number of states of motion; one could be dropping every few seconds, one could be hugging the tip.

The wax on a candle is more the latter.

Would I compare a drop on a candle to a drop on a leaf? (mutatis mutandis)

only if I wanted the wax to be silver!?