| Re: setting the record straight on April by poetandknowit |
9-May-04/3:47 AM |
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Why did babbit11 only give you an -8-. If I was babbit11 I would give Po etandknowit a -10- every time.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
9-May-04/3:56 AM |
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See, told you it was a bad idea my elf-like friend.
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| Re: collars i have worn--exhibit 3 by Patsy |
11-May-04/5:40 AM |
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Quite like it, although it does seem to hanker after a garden that is in a pond!
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| Re: Bodies Bore Like I Do Too by fevriere |
11-May-04/7:06 AM |
Sex is a butterfly but a butterfly does not buzz
and a buzz does not flow
nor does it flood.
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| Re: ...So We Stayed In The Water by Fear of Garbage |
11-May-04/11:56 AM |
It was all going swimmingly until the end of the first verse, then it became a bit incoherent.
N.B. 'The pool has' not the pool's possessive.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
12-May-04/8:40 AM |
Never sure about poems that extend a metaphor by using buzzwords from a given topic-- fallout/ nucl;ear winter/ split the atom/ radioactive.
The best part is verse 1 although it seems to be a better kick in the teeth end rathere than start. At the start of the poem one does not really understand what you are referring to (unless you have a really long title).
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| Re: Washing-up Hands and Disgruntled Underarms by fevriere |
15-May-04/6:02 AM |
very good, nice use of language, I think that is important.
Not sure about 'milky' as a sentence in its own right. Sounds like some mad persons catchphrase.
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| Re: At the door by fufuberry |
15-May-04/6:03 AM |
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believe the packed bags, they are a fair hint.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
15-May-04/6:06 AM |
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does she drop hints and aboriginals into an abyss? Or is a sentence inversion happening.
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| Re: and the world evolves by peaceseeker |
17-May-04/11:19 AM |
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Not so much to grab onto, a lot of abstracts. Like how it begins.
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| Re: Swan on Willow Lake by Caducus |
17-May-04/11:22 AM |
I think this is how a haiku should be written. The first image and then a different image (the blackbirds) linked to the first.
Would leave out jealous though. Haikus are about imagery more than most other forms. Image without need for explanation.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-May-04/1:33 PM |
Not sure, maybe the surprise should come as the last line.
In terms of the poem (not the form) the last two lines are kind of redundant.
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| Re: LOVE-ABOVE LISTE by Everyone |
18-May-04/1:37 PM |
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You have perfected the art of appearing both irreverent and smug. Well done.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
7-Jun-04/2:27 PM |
Cute, at first I thought this was about dialects. English speaking russians calling a window (windauge/ vindoge) and Irish speakers call window (windeye/windaeeii).
Then I realised wineye is the literal interpretation of the german (I'm guessing german (the language of much of Austria)) window.
So in fact eye = wind x eye to (soul).
Like the title too, there must be loads of these instances.
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| Re: USS Pride by DR Limerick |
7-Jun-04/2:38 PM |
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Always use multiple exclamation marks, that way the words don't have to do the work. Ace idea
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| Re: Wedding Day by Caducus |
9-Jun-04/3:18 PM |
It is not enough to call the wind arrogant, its actions should portray such, then there would be no need for the word.
Same goes for 'fragrant' (what smell is fragrant), 'desperate' 'hopeless' and 'exuding wry misery'.
I am growing fond of the polite 'english' voice in poetry. Fallen portico/ ironed silk give the poem a charm certainly.
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| Re: New lover confirms poetic divorce by fevriere |
9-Jun-04/3:20 PM |
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This haiku seems to suggest in happier times you could rhyme blue eyes with sea.
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| Re: The Ocean Prefers A Sunset by wilco |
12-Jun-04/3:03 PM |
Would echo than dancing is redundant (getting rid of it brings out the alliteration of 'waltzes with' better too).
Listless sand - nope, you need to show what the sand is doing to make you think it is listless.
Last verse; death, birth, yearn, beautiful, smile are a touch unimaginative.
Good though, well written.
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| Re: Lost by arduinn |
12-Jun-04/3:12 PM |
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Reads quite nicely. The conflict at the end is far too cliched though, needs some kind of insight or... something.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
14-Jun-04/8:47 AM |
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