DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

and the world evolves

Member since 2003 · Posted 16 May 2004 · Edited 16 May 2004 · 8 comments

let's not, and then say we did clink here's to your next lover oblivious to your intentions basking in the glow of your light reflecting back what you request tolerating each slippery step down into the ground of your din with your inability to air your pain in reality may you always be happy with a light behind your smile. may you forever follow the passion from your heart. may you lift yourself from the downward spiral your deepest pain brings you to. may you be grateful you were so fortunate to live and love inside my universe

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mean 6.67 weighted 5.45 rank 2951 views 184 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

8 comments

[7] Sasha 16-May-04/11:59 AM Reply

"live and love inside my universe" sounds like an anglophone Catullus on a bad day.

The whole thing seems a quasi-religious litany to some weird semi-deified entity known as "you." However "you" is most certainly not human because "you" is unable to air "your"m pain in reality. Then again "you" is also not omnipotent because "you" is not the one in whose universe the "living and loving" is done.

Please explain who this mysterious "you" is.

Thank you

[n/a] peaceseeker › Sasha 16-May-04/12:15 PM Reply

I was intentionally keeping it simple in order to convey a feeling. Interpret the conveyed feelings any way you want, just remember: you are what you make of me. This mysterious "you" is who the poem is written for.

[7] Sasha › peaceseeker 16-May-04/12:18 PM Reply

A few commas couldn't hurt.

"You are what you make of me".....who'd you learn that from?

[n/a] peaceseeker › Sasha 17-May-04/10:28 AM Reply

create your own commas - not my style.

Ani D.- "We'll see what you are made of by what you make of me."

[10] Shardik › Sasha 16-May-04/2:19 PM Reply

Rumi was ferociously homosexual, as for you?
You will never be as gay as me -- I have Jesu.

Hi Dalia, welcome to poemranker.
It get's bloody around here.
I hope you've brought a slicker.

[n/a] peaceseeker › Shardik 17-May-04/10:29 AM Reply

not homosexual, why do you ask?
maybe i'm more bloody than poemranker.
bloodier?

[8] richa 17-May-04/11:19 AM Reply

Not so much to grab onto, a lot of abstracts. Like how it begins.

[10] wilco 17-May-04/1:26 PM Reply

I'd give the poem an 8, but since I just read that you're a social worker I'm going to give you a 10. This is because, as a social worker, I know how bad it is.