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...So We Stayed In The Water (Free verse) by Fear of Garbage
It was hot, so we stayed in the water. Dug holes in the pavement to stay cool underground. We eat spiders as our lunch, eat them as our brunch, eat them legs first and then the body. Wholly. They cover me, cover me like insects. Chatter, chatter teeth. The summer is dark, the brick is hot and the pool’s been cut off like a root. Chatter, chatter teeth! The heat is dark fruit. I walk down the street crying, “Endless, endless!” How hideous the anomaly. My feet are sunburnt. My mouth is a dark fruit. Chatter, chatter teeth. I begin to wake, but there is no sense in waiting for the angel or the rain. Chatter, chatter teeth! The heat is a cut vein.

Up the ladder: Without my Glasses

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.0
Weighted score: 5.537883
Overall Rank: 2599
Posted: May 11, 2004 11:10 AM PDT; Last modified: May 11, 2004 11:10 AM PDT
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zodiac

Comments:
[8] richa @ 81.178.254.233 | 11-May-04/11:56 AM | Reply
It was all going swimmingly until the end of the first verse, then it became a bit incoherent.

N.B. 'The pool has' not the pool's possessive.
[7] unknown^user @ 209.234.180.162 > richa | 11-May-04/2:32 PM | Reply
What are you talking about? That's a contraction, and a correct one at that.

I enjoyed the fantastical (or is it the hallucinogenic?) element of this, but it just doesn't seem original to me for some reason.
[8] wilco @ 24.176.102.131 | 11-May-04/1:09 PM | Reply
Hmmmm, I don't much care for spiders....kind of freaks me out...
[10] zodiac @ 67.240.211.45 | 12-May-04/6:13 AM | Reply
The best part is the spiders that cover you like insects.
[9] Goad @ 217.95.210.139 > zodiac | 8-Feb-05/5:34 PM | Reply
nah, the best part is "no sense in waiting for the angel or the rain"

she has two, three lines like that in every fucking poem. Some two unexpectedly combined words that just stun me, bursting in the brain with fractals of association and meaning.
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