on The Wish by celticskatermatt1
9 Feb 2006, 7:01 AM
Line two is a bit forced.
replying on My Father’s World by Dovina
9 Feb 2006, 6:58 AM
In that case, why not polish a Kurd?
on Faith on a cross by Caducus
9 Feb 2006, 6:57 AM
A very angry Cohen. Nice.
on The Perigenetic Prayer by ALChemy
9 Feb 2006, 6:50 AM
Wow.
Ever read 'The Thunder, Perfect Mind' (from the Gnostic Gospels)?
Ever read 'The Thunder, Perfect Mind' (from the Gnostic Gospels)?
on cryogenicide necrobot by baphomet
9 Feb 2006, 6:46 AM
Spelling and grammar! It makes it easier to read.
I'm not yet sure whether I love or hate the last line...judgement will be suspended.
I'm not yet sure whether I love or hate the last line...judgement will be suspended.
on Moonlight Paradox by Glasseyez
9 Feb 2006, 6:43 AM
Abstract, sometimes nonsensical. I love it.
Stanza two equals Matrix by Catholic theology. Everything's about balance and the equation. Yes.
The answer had better not disappoint.
Stanza two equals Matrix by Catholic theology. Everything's about balance and the equation. Yes.
The answer had better not disappoint.
on My Father’s World by Dovina
9 Feb 2006, 6:34 AM
Nicely nostalgic
on run'em'hard by grendal
9 Feb 2006, 6:32 AM
Stanza 4 = necromancy? Not sure I get this one but I'm a bit slow, so don't worry. Say hi to horus wherever he is.
on Going Away to Fight a War by wilco
9 Feb 2006, 6:28 AM
I was going to ask if you'd ever been to the solstice at Stonehenge, but as your profile says you're from the States I think probably not. Anyway, I see you have a vote average of over 6, that is a fucking awesome feat for this site with the amount of poems you've posted so I thought I'd say congrats. As for the poem, not bad at all; 'retired kite strings' is wonderful!
on Monkey Tree (Breathless edit) by ecargo
9 Feb 2006, 6:23 AM
A good edit, in my opinion you might want to put a few more rhymes in there to make it quicker to read - it feels like it should be a fast poem to reflect the speed of clambering up and tumbling down.
on The Acorn Daisies by MacFrantic
9 Feb 2006, 6:21 AM
The rhyme in the middle is good but it makes that section sweep by much faster than the rest; if I were you I'd keep a constant speed with this piece as it isn't particularly long. Other than that, very good!
replying on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan
7 Feb 2006, 3:14 AM
Keep it as it is; there is no such thing as a universally pronouncable haiku. As I said, I really like the idea behind it, and this draft is much more haiku-esque.
on Tonight (edit) by drnick
7 Feb 2006, 3:05 AM
Very good, not original but done much better than most. The only suggestion I have is to change 'started' (line 8) to 'begun'...it's easier to read, other than that - excellent!
on Blackbirds III by jmalone
7 Feb 2006, 2:57 AM
Lines 13, 14, 15, 16 aren't as good as the rest of it - they're very ordinary whereas the rest is nicely eloquent. I loved the first 4 lines. Excellent rhythm and the rhyme holds up pretty well.
replying on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan
6 Feb 2006, 1:12 PM
Okay, I much prefer this version. The only thing from my view is that the second line's a syllable too long - I pronounce 'rippling' with 3 syllables. If you don't pronounce it that way, disregard what I've said, if you do then all I'd do is get rid of 'the'. Other than that, perfect!
on "46 million babies a year" by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
6 Feb 2006, 11:04 AM
One more embrowned gasp of astonishment from the eerie bowels of Hell.
on Tales From The Outhouse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
6 Feb 2006, 10:43 AM
If I could I would vote this 10 thrice over, once for the poeme, once for the timeline comment, and once for making me laugh until Mount Brownesuvius threatened to blow.
Armageddon!
Armageddon!
replying on time (3rd draft) by Adriaan
6 Feb 2006, 10:22 AM
I'd appreciate your views on my recent attempt, if you have the time.
on Bondage by MacFrantic
6 Feb 2006, 10:19 AM
I liked this one.
I'm not sure if this poem is metaphorical or if it's a direct description...if it's the former, you need to make it a little clearer for the benefit of morons like myself; if it's the latter, well then it's nicely written but doesn't really elicit any sort of thought from the reader.