| Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick |
12-Oct-06/1:26 AM |
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Hahaha, ever get that longing to be put in a room full of sparkling wine glasses with a pair of sturdy goggles and a baseball bat? Ultra kudos for doing physics though. A friend of mine tried to teach me quantum physics; we ended up attempting to devise a whole new theory of gravity.
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| Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick |
12-Oct-06/1:23 AM |
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If we can't talk like old chums on poemeranker, where can we? He's in Michigan, I'm in Wales. And besides, it's true about the emos. It'd be more fun to replace them with emus.
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| Re: my memories by fiefofum |
12-Oct-06/1:20 AM |
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Intriguing time capsule thoughts. Couple of typos.
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| Re: October by A_Dark_Calm |
12-Oct-06/1:17 AM |
Sweet, very sweet. I'd like to see the rhythm you start with continued all the way through - some of the shorter lines in particular disrupt the way it runs. The end of stanza one is to die for ('a day has passed and left me 30/more before she's back at home' works wonders). Perhaps you could trim a few occasions of 'love' here and there - by the time I got to the end, the word had lost a lot of its impact through the repetitions.
Still a lovely, lovely read :-)
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| Re: Old Friend by drnick |
12-Oct-06/1:12 AM |
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| Re: Perversions by razorgrin |
11-Oct-06/1:16 PM |
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| Re: a comment on Dead Inside by drnick |
11-Oct-06/1:09 PM |
Glad to hear it. You should come to Cardiff, we'll go on an emo-purging spree. The place is covered in them.
I've got a few poems hovering around, incomplete and absolutely tormenting my soul because I don't know what to do with them. Now that I'm back studying again the inspiration will hopefully return. I know what you mean about having no time for blogs though. I used to write stories on my MySpace blog, but that hasn't happened for a while now. Perhaps I should start again.
How are the classes going?
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| Re: The Mandarin by Caducus |
11-Oct-06/1:05 PM |
Ummm...I kind of like this, but it feels unfinished. The imagery is solid, except maybe you could describe the ring a bit more, and also the picture. I really don't like the penultimate line, 'fuck' used up all its shock value the first time, stands out as a hard line end in amidst 6 soft endings, and the whole line seems unnecessary. I mean, what circumstances could there possibly be in which you did actually think of a picture of your father while having sex?
13 photo frames? Is the number significant, other than being unlucky?
Love the first two lines, and I think I like the last one too.
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| Re: Jesus Around Your Neck (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20 |
11-Oct-06/12:58 PM |
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| Re: Words (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20 |
11-Oct-06/12:56 PM |
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Don't like the initial cliche (wearing heart on sleeve), the rest is fine.
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| Re: a comment on Words (Final Version) by Wakeboarder20 |
11-Oct-06/12:56 PM |
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Not necessarily. There was a story here recently about a guy whose girlfriend committed suicide. She was terminally depressed and had tried to kill herself before. He didn't try to save her life, just held her for the whole day as she died so she wouldn't die alone. The poem reminded me strongly of that.
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| Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22 |
11-Oct-06/5:12 AM |
Heat has fled this land;
a hibernating squirrel
dreams of maple buds
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| Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22 |
11-Oct-06/4:42 AM |
If you know someone who might want to, then invite them along for sure. I thought this would be a free-for-all, 'Beard My Homemade Negro Jesus' style effort, but with fewer Christly facial hair materials.
In the meantime:
Flower of the moon
lies, wilted, on a moss-sprung
mattress strewn with twigs
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| Re: love song by <~> |
11-Oct-06/3:30 AM |
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Mmmmm...still turns me on....haven't played for years though, maybe I should take it up again.
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| Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22 |
11-Oct-06/3:21 AM |
Well I suck at haikus, but here goes:
September's slow, soft
Caterpillar rain-crawl down
the last gold oak leaves
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| Re: Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum |
11-Oct-06/3:13 AM |
I vaguely remember reading this years ago. The blue butterflies seem to be blue flashing lights on the windscreen. Maybe your heads are bobbing in time with the sirens? Having set it up with 'Don't smoke crack' this could be a computer game that appears totally real at the time. 'Homey cliffside'? I don't get that, maybe it's more American than I'm used to.
Could do with some of the commas disappearing, but this was a pretty fun read :-)
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| Re: Timing by Dovina |
11-Oct-06/1:56 AM |
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Nice write, if you edit this maybe look at making all the line endings strong - there are a couple of weak endings which disrupted the rhythm a little for me.
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| Re: a comment on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22 |
11-Oct-06/1:54 AM |
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What are the conditions for a renga, other than having 36 stanzas?
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| Re: a comment on weather poem part 2: to do list by nypoet22 |
11-Oct-06/1:53 AM |
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Definitely go for publication when it's all sufficiently edited. It's shaping up to be a very readable collection. Do you draw/paint, or know an artist of high enough calibre? I think this would work well illustrated.
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| Re: To My Love by Lola |
11-Oct-06/1:50 AM |
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Sweet and concise, he's very lucky :-)
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