on The Black Cottage by w~* ATHENA *~w
4 Dec 2002, 2:45 AM
EXPLAINED LIKE A FAIRYTALE, QUITE BEAUTIFULLY, NEEDS A LITTLE MORE SUBSTANCE I THINK.
on some deleted poem
3 Dec 2002, 1:49 AM
Boobalicious!
on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd
4 Dec 2002, 1:44 AM
Learned the art of description in this, its given me an idea for somthing =8= nice one jd
on want of warmth by <~>
4 Dec 2002, 1:46 AM
I cant do haiku sob sob, you can, envy !
on she said by Bill Z Bub
4 Dec 2002, 2:46 AM
very original, concise and to point
on Pretty Skin Deep by confuzdlilgirl
3 Dec 2002, 1:18 AM
When I was your age I wrote in a similar style to you. I put the emphasis on rhyme rather than substance or style, your writing will mature and you wont recognize how your styles changed till 1 day you'll look over what you've written and say unto yourself 'Did I write this'?, the best advice is dont chuck anything away you may use two choice lines in a better poem, Rebecca Calvetti gave you a constructive piece of criticism, and you can still keep your individuality yet take advice on board - some good lines/bad lines here, just keep trying -5-
on There is no Happy Hour in Bakersfield, Ca. by horus8
3 Dec 2002, 1:55 AM
I love the irony at the end of this it had me panting like Lassie being boned by beethoven, what i like even more though is the fact that the 'phantom' 1 voter has yet to serve up their cowardly custard and say to everyone 'I'm desperate to be loved but y'all hate my poems so I'm gonna hate yours, heres a deserved 9 to balance the books.
on There is no Happy Hour in Bakersfield, Ca. by horus8
3 Dec 2002, 1:56 AM
whats cleo's number horus?
on Embarrassed by Goose
3 Dec 2002, 2:00 AM
The goose has layed a golden egg !
Well done indeed BUT.........
check line 6, its cower you want now cow, or it sounds like line dancing for cows.
Well done indeed BUT.........
check line 6, its cower you want now cow, or it sounds like line dancing for cows.
on My One True Love by Hooman
3 Dec 2002, 2:02 AM
A bit too syrupy for me, but for your romantic self kiss a 6
on some deleted poem
3 Dec 2002, 2:04 AM
A poets name, a poets poem what more can i add ===========9=====
on Silence by Cha no Onna
3 Dec 2002, 2:08 AM
Intelligent idea here which you've dealt with well, I liked the way you sold fragility here and the end stanza and last line hit the throat - nice one *8* (try and shorten the line about the wet earth it affects the readability)
on TRIBUTE TO A FRIEND by Nicholas Monson
3 Dec 2002, 4:37 AM
Haven't read an ode on here for ages, this aint bad really heres a 7
on some deleted poem
2 Dec 2002, 8:46 AM
Your best yet
on some deleted poem
2 Dec 2002, 9:07 AM
This was like I was overhearing a telephone conversation, its okay but needs firing up more, it needs to make a point otherwise its a hollow egg -5-
on some deleted poem
2 Dec 2002, 9:11 AM
Loved the bouquet of flames, and the imagery in this. You should direct film scenes reading your stuffs a hybrid of Tim Burton meets David Lynch meets Chagall, to illustrate through vocab is a gift. -9-
on some deleted poem
2 Dec 2002, 9:23 AM
Sounds more like a bad italian red than bleach
on Rich and the wall by INTRANSIT
4 Dec 2002, 1:45 AM
cute