regarding some deleted poem...	6-Dec-02/6:01 AM
Now this is uninterrupted by the confusion of the incessant s, and 'Those transitory signatures' is way more descriptive, I know you dont give a f*** for votes but your geeting one (not 1 but 9) hard work but well worth the read and comprehension
Re: The cowards way out by MakenzieNy	6-Dec-02/6:15 AM
I'm with GW on this one. I think this could have a positive impact if you changed the title on this to maybe 'Courage of the Coward' or 'Living with Dying'. I attempted suicide at 15 and wrote several pieces on the subject, I admire your sensitivity on wanting to immortalize the dude but concentrate more on 2 powers at work, I wrote a line 'a mind and a heart in a civil war that left behind darkness, so brighter before; try and invent a metaphor for his suffering like surrendered heart, it has to have your stamp on it and write it as much from your mind as your heart, think of places he went, how you sum him up, what he did, the negative and positive things that were said about him, keep dont drift from this subject, work on it in when your inspired, theirs a masterpiece song on suicide by 'Depeche Mode' called blasphemous rumours, I'll hope you listen to it for inspiration. This has been the longest comment i've ever made -good luck man
Re: My Son is...a prayer. by horus8	6-Dec-02/6:22 AM
Show this to your son when he's old enough to understand because its one of the most honest, moving and beautiful pieces I've read, you've got more sides than a pentagon horus, i like this side because its you and your balls are gleaming with gold today with this. p.s read 'father and son' by tony parsons you'll f****g love it. (amazon.com for review) TEN/TEN
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Dec-02/6:35 AM
hey Clever heres your poem in german from: systransoft.com Die Schmerz sind gut, Schmerz sind nett an einem Tag, den ich ihn mehr als tvice habe. Vith ein Stock, ein vhip, fesselt auch oben gebunden in ein Bett, in einen Stuhl und sogar in ein Klo mit Handschellen! Vith viele Damen und sobald eine Kuh ich das Wissen suchen, die Daten, das Know-how Mein Vergn??gen erh??hen, mein Zufriedenheit asvell, meine St????e zu erhalten, ' meine Glocke zu schellen '. Sie l????t mich mit Quetschungen, Kratzern und Wunden von oben und herum geworfen werden, heraus und zuhause Die Schmerz sind Spa??, Schmerz sind gro?? ich verwenden ihn h??ufig zum masturbate. Aber seien Sie vorsichtiger junger Gelehrter, h??ren gut... Zu viel kann Sie zur H??lle gerade schicken! (das Sie genie??en k??nnen? Wer? wei??)
Re: Deep Inner Pain by razorgrin	6-Dec-02/6:39 AM
Cut the cookies with your wit razorgrin, this satisfied my bloodthirst and cookiehunger -9-
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Dec-02/6:42 AM
Original i liked it
Re: Killing me. by Plasticgirlwithgun	6-Dec-02/6:45 AM
Go Gladiator girl save up $100 and get the knobhead, you saved this by the ballistic ending
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Dec-02/8:38 AM
Its Child loving day, horus has done one and so have you- both excellently. I think the title 'Mother Earth' would work better but the poem is woven very well, the bit about smelling her adds a mellifluent touch to the poem, smell says so much and evokes. I may be wrong but you seem to be more diverse
Re: Bloodsucker by hobojo	6-Dec-02/8:41 AM
Hobojo, quite the George Romero with this one
Re: Entrapment by MakenzieNy	6-Dec-02/8:46 AM
A little futile and one dimensional, nice, but basically very formulaic.*5*
Re: Entrapment by MakenzieNy	6-Dec-02/8:46 AM
check line 3 for spelling (conquer)
Re: idiots by w~* ATHENA *~w	7-Dec-02/5:20 AM
sorry Pk / ZZinnia my mistake
regarding some deleted poem...	9-Dec-02/6:47 AM
Infinitely Beautiful -9-(loved the descriptive mountains)
Re: REALITY by NewbieMe	9-Dec-02/6:55 AM
You really needed to tell a story of reality here, it could be called anything because its too vague and formulaic, you can write because i've read your stuff so i really hope you complete this (vote held for mo)
Re: Dad by dniknam	9-Dec-02/7:01 AM
I too have wrote about my father, this seems to be more about you and the aftermath and i'd like to see more connection between you and your da. However i am not criticising your work, all personal poems come from the labyrinth of despair from the unchartered map of the human heart, The last stanzas the strongest here you could do with one less 'quit yelling' stanza, take care sir i wish you well *7*
Re: stifled by crin	10-Dec-02/6:28 AM
This is quite disturbing, and I really dont know how to feel about it, a true mindfucker of a poem, i cant say its bad or good but i wanna know what gods wife whats to know, do you dig bundy?
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Dec-02/6:32 AM
You have a talent for the structure of the language and rhyme scheme, but the stories a little thin and vague, I bet if you let your imagination go AWOL you could be promising. heres a 5, work on the subject, spice it up, not subjective or captivating enough, its like reading someones homework, but as i said you show promise
regarding some deleted poem...	10-Dec-02/6:35 AM
this is much better than the other one you submitted, you can tell a story, I'm a rhyme obsessive too, so if anyone tells you to abanadon it, dont be too influenced, i know its hard to rhyme,and attempt tell a coherent story with a bit of origninalty -6-
Re: missing time by Bill Z Bub	10-Dec-02/6:37 AM
Hey devildude this is your strongest so far in this book, so in your words 'i shall rate thee highly'
Re: Panning for gold by INTRANSIT	10-Dec-02/7:03 AM
the influence of certain other writers on this site added to your own unique gift of clarity and individual style has improved your work so much. I know you've been working hard and i fink its paid off