Re: a comment on The Ocean by Fayt	6-Mar-06/1:19 PM
Actually, strong winds and a long fetch cause huge seas and lots of water/wave movement.
Re: a comment on A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	6-Mar-06/10:15 AM
Oh crikey--I caught the wedding imagery but didn't tie this into it. Yeah, I like the wordplay. I even think the line sounds good, but I have trouble following it--Could the mist . . . to him avail (i.e., be of use to him)--is that what you mean? Maybe it's as simple as a comma after white and losing "seem"--"Could the mist, a flowing turn/ of white, by dawn avail/ him? [Since avail means "to be of use to," you don't really need the "to him" avail]. Yeah, make it work, good stuff here.
Re: a comment on At Last in the Garden by ecargo	6-Mar-06/10:04 AM
Thanks. :)
Re: a comment on At Last in the Garden by ecargo	6-Mar-06/10:03 AM
Thanks. There's lots not right with it, but it's gratifying that you liked the couple of things that I thought worked okay. :)
Re: The King Of Loserville by mindsigns	6-Mar-06/9:53 AM
Figure out a way to kill three quarters of the "I"s and this'll get a lot better.
Re: The Final Night by xXxDemonicAngelxXx	6-Mar-06/9:49 AM
Would make a decent lyric.
Re: goddess of the harvest by calliope	6-Mar-06/9:45 AM
Very odd.
Re: happy, but cautious by hendrimike	6-Mar-06/9:41 AM
Some nice details: "in the summer when the dusk calls you to dinner/and dogs go swimming in lakes swallowing sunsets." First couple of lines are awkward, esp. "shifting breeze that feels good to be near.
Re: a comment on =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	3-Mar-06/3:08 PM
Pardon me for jumping in, but it's a PHILOSOPHY experiment (according to the text of the original question), isn't it? Not psychology. Ummm, also, I do feel compelled to point out that Programs A, B, C, and D do not refer to the statements made in the bullet points under scenarios 1 and 2. They are the actual (if theoretical) programs/solutions to the problem (Asian flu)--the goop in the vials--NOT the data provided about the effects of said goop. All the necessary information was provided in the logic problem. Do carry on. And have nice weekends. ;)
Re: Under the Spoon by MacFrantic	3-Mar-06/11:14 AM
Funny. I don't mind random rhyming, but it gets awkward here and there--might kill some of the "just to rhyme" rhymes. Good flow and funny, like "under the spoon" as opposed to knife; yeah, alligator not quite it so you need a more punchy ending, IMO. Cool.
Re: =, <>, & . . . by Dovina	3-Mar-06/11:10 AM
To quibble with your whimsy: A full stop (period) isn't always a real end. As often, something related follows. Ellipses indicate a different type of omission than does etcetera (the latter is "more of the same"; the former just indicates something was taken away). A semicolon is more often used in place of a conjunction than as an interruption; it's a link between two close elements. Dashes don't always indicate answers--sometimes they're interruptions.
Re: Whalecrack by wlshepherd	3-Mar-06/11:00 AM
Some good soundplay but good nonsense poems make you want to believe they make sense. This just comes off as random garble.
Re: A Failed Proposition Under The Night Sky by Ranger	3-Mar-06/9:46 AM
Atlas, dreaming of a burden lifting--nice. do you need the "silent toast"--maybe just go w/ beacon lit? Could the mist. . . this gets a little garbled: could the mist . . . avail him (a flowing turn of white?)(verb form of avail can be transitive or intrasitive, so doesn't necessarily need an object but, nonetheless, this doesn't parse well. I like the idea and the imagery a lot.
Re: Pine Boxes (revised) by Joe-joe	3-Mar-06/9:34 AM
As noted, "reign" (and, yeah, lose "supreme") For me, the questions are distracting.
Re: Meltdown by longships	3-Mar-06/8:22 AM
Don't let the rhymes drive the poem (send iron and steel to boil is a good example--awkward and wordy, just because you wrote to the rhyme). Watch for over-familiar terms like "wreak havoc"--generally, if use a term you later realize you've read elsewhere a gazillion times , change it. How does something flow "gracelessly"? Good topic, but could use more moodiness.
Re: Just Desserts (for drnick) by ALChemy	23-Feb-06/10:13 AM
Huh. So . . . what's the bountiful meal? We know what you [in the poem] think is a waste of time--hankering after "just desserts"--things we feel are merited for our efforts?--but what is it that we should be craving instead? I don't get that answer from this--maybe I'm missing it. Here's where I get confused: in the second stanza, you say "Who hasn't learned/that what is earned/might not be rewarded/but if forwarded [?]/may not come on schedule"; then you say: For nature is far grander in scale/than one man's peace of mind [dunno that this is so--how do you measure peace of mind?]. . . he will not findthe golden chalice/or holy palace/that he believes/is his to recieve [receive]/but that the bread he's won has gone stale. So--what he's earned (i.e., worked to deserve?) might not be rewarded, but then he's so focused on the chalice/palace (through religion, I take it?) he might miss what he's won through his own efforts? 'splain? Maybe I should read the comments--you may have. The rhymes seems to lead you astray here and there. "to lament a life that lemons left/a sour taste to memories bereft/of smiles" is very awkward and hard to parse. Anyway, I think with some clarification, the ideas will come through better. 'scuse me for blah blah blahing all over your poeme.
Re: The chestnut by richa	23-Feb-06/10:00 AM
Gorgeous as ever, Rich. Three reps of "under the chestnut" seems too many though--we get it. Did you deliberately leave the first couple of lines unpunctuated so that it reads as dates have become altered/dates have become places (as well as dates and places have become altered)? Cool in a drunken/confused way. :)
Re: Nude Falling Down Staircase by zodiac	23-Feb-06/9:52 AM
I really like your stuff, Zodiac, including this <gush gush, but what the hell>. The first line is killer. Like the falling-through-air using sex words; could do without the borrowed slapstick waiter (I don't think you need it). The metaphor works, for art, for writing. (But what do you mean in your comment by "free from context"? Shouldn't it carry its own context to be effective, to some degree anyway?) Dessert, not desert.
Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	23-Feb-06/9:43 AM
Villanelles are tough because the repeating lines have to be strong for it to be effective. "I cannot watch because I won't pray" seems little awkward to me (mainly because if you're not going to use the contraction for cannot, doing so for will not seems, I dunno, forced--why not "I cannot watch because I will not pray"--that line sounds better in iambic pentameter, I think). Some of the lines are a little iffy: "hands . . . whisper"? Some others. Good effort.
Re: Iron Sky by MacFrantic	23-Feb-06/9:35 AM
You nailed the form but lost some sense, I think: "burden of her foil"? Do you mean PollOck (Jackson Pollock)? I don't get what this is about, really.