Re: a comment on Paradelle of Progress by Dovina	6-Jul-04/10:53 AM
When last I fought the sixest paradelle, the referee admonished me about using "only those words" by instructing me that I could use other forms of "only those words." This allows "thinning forms" or "emotionally blank" "and other aberrations. Perhaps, my English prof was an aberration. Still, a -10- for 1/6th of a complete poem... Are you going for a combined score of 60 for whole poem? I'm drawing a nervous, emotional blank on the proper score.
Re: Worst Sex Ever by Brittanyy	4-Jul-04/6:46 PM
Are you sure his name wasn't "Little Willie?"
Re: When by Cairsten	4-Jul-04/10:27 AM
I would have given up to two teeth I have left to have written such a poem. Anyone want to trade two teeth for a blender?
Re: Translation by Dovina	3-Jul-04/7:32 PM
It is very beautiful.
Re: Lady Bradbury’s Excursion by Dovina	1-Jul-04/7:47 PM
I'm lucky. With my ruffles over my head, I stand to tinkle and make the wood donut even more dreadful on future other's hindquarters.
Re: Black streets of Hackney by cpill	29-Jun-04/10:01 AM
Do you think "The Clash" was at fault? Hard to decipher.
Re: Titleist and Socrates by MacFrantic	29-Jun-04/9:51 AM
Fun to imagine as one reads, sees the threesome walking along, the caddy asking question after question while Tiger gets annoyed and Ari smiles at his old teacher's complete lack of golf etiquette.
Re: Revision by Dovina	29-Jun-04/9:16 AM
Sounds like a lover's quarrel with this site. In that spirit, You're telling me not showing me. Who made that reprobate Bukowski god? In line 5 try replacing dismayed with repulsed (what is the opposite of seduced?).-9-
Re: Captain Napkin Starring In "The Passion Of Napkin" by horus8	29-Jun-04/9:02 AM
Cute.
Re: Sustained by Dovina	28-Jun-04/9:18 AM
Never, never, never end a poem with a word that ends in -ing. It weakens the impact. What were you thinking? Oh, gerunds, too, are words you should not be using. -10- I found the poem to my liking.
Re: a comment on The Riddle of Creation by Dovina	23-Jun-04/6:14 PM
Zidiot- I don't understand. Are you writing in "tongues?"
Re: The Riddle of Creation by Dovina	23-Jun-04/7:22 AM
Perfect for "Seventh Day Adventist's Monthly." Not my pint of ale. Why do we capitalize the word god? It can't be a name. Isn't it an occupation? It is a little like capitalizing the word mechanic or poet. I'll stick to capitalizing only the name of god, Guinness, Jose Cuervo and the like. I know, hate the subject not the poem. -9-
Re: a comment on The Sea (revised) by Dovina	22-Jun-04/8:51 AM
Raw or grilled with liver and onions?
Re: Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco	22-Jun-04/8:35 AM
Resonates. last chance cigarette drunk & fucked up (two different states of being?) Yeah.
Re: The Sea (revised) by Dovina	22-Jun-04/8:30 AM
Good. #1 why clean clear not clean, clear? #2 why not And after that I loved the sea. Was it for form's sake? Besides, I like repulsive pink people at the beach... especially with wasabi, soy sauce and a side of ginger.
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	21-Jun-04/7:53 AM
I fill with wonder.
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	20-Jun-04/12:27 PM
Feels like T.S. in the line about the silly laughter and in the almost "non-sequitur" feel in the lines about the skin, sweat and sun that bring it all together. Love it.
Re: Army Dock (Bangcock in July) (Free Curse) by Rug by <{Baba^Yaga}>	19-Jun-04/7:51 PM
Did you mean "odd" instead of "queer"in the first line? Are the piss and shit references about the Asian SARS epidemic? I think the Bangcock in the title is self explanitory. Am I right? "Asswagon's blender," Daiquiris? Help! I'm trying to understand the "walk on the wild side." Lot's of strong images -8-
Re: Shamefaced by Doug	17-Jun-04/7:59 PM
I like the idea and the follow through. I trip over some of the images in line five. I think you mean "You're sure to know Him" right? -8-
Re: The Stickmen of Fools by embersandenvelopes	14-Jun-04/10:53 AM
ATT GSM, Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.