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Revision (Free verse) by Dovina
It wasn’t the same this time. The people were the same, But the poets had changed. Where before their nuances seduced me, Now their insistence on form dismayed me. Some had followed the tubes of formality All the way to Deep6. What I’m talkin’ about Is spirit and form, The freshness of youth, And the staunchness of age. Of course, I consider myself young with spirit, While the grad student is old with form. A need for rules has replaced the fervor Which we all walked in with, As if fervor’s decline Caused formality’s control Or as Bukowski said, “As the spirit wanes, the form appears.” And I could add, “Poetry dies.”

Up the ladder: Break Dancing Charlie
Down the ladder: Certain circles

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Arithmetic Mean: 7.75
Weighted score: 5.7395887
Overall Rank: 1824
Posted: June 29, 2004 8:57 AM PDT; Last modified: June 29, 2004 8:57 AM PDT
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Comments:
[9] Dan garcia-Black @ 66.159.205.144 | 29-Jun-04/9:16 AM | Reply
Sounds like a lover's quarrel with this site. In that spirit, You're telling me not showing me. Who made that reprobate Bukowski god? In line 5 try replacing dismayed with repulsed (what is the opposite of seduced?).-9-
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > Dan garcia-Black | 29-Jun-04/9:23 AM | Reply
Yes, repulsed is better. And I was not telling so much as screaming. The opposite of seduced is most modern sonnets.
[9] wilco @ 66.162.22.123 | 5-Jul-04/12:19 PM | Reply
I like this one. When the rules become too concrete, there is little room left for invention. Poetry dies, indeed.
[n/a] Dovina @ 24.52.157.176 > wilco | 5-Jul-04/2:13 PM | Reply
But it's such a dignified ritualistic passing.
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