Re: Solid Understanding by Dovina	6-Aug-04/8:10 AM
The inimate moment is lost not only the expression? If that is the meaning then the 2nd verse could use a bit o' rewrite. At this public moment -8-
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-04/8:22 AM
Evocative images. Old saying,"If you introduce a gun in the third stanza, it should go off in the fourth." I'd like to see you spending your life shooting some hoops with those fine basketball shoes on your feet. Good poem.
Re: Honey by Jeremi B. Handrinos	6-Aug-04/8:25 AM
Something about this is...
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-04/8:41 AM
Ouch!
Re: The Glow of the Sun by QuirkyWonder	6-Aug-04/8:46 AM
Is this a rewrite? It is evocative (because I can never spell reminiscent without a spell checker) of a poem I thought I remember seeing posted here before this. However, I enjoyed this one more than the last. It has an "uplift" at the end.
regarding some deleted poem...	6-Aug-04/7:25 PM
I get it. C. Lewis wrote an essay called "What I tell you three times is true." You use this formula to lend veracity to your poem.
Re: Los Angeles by Dovina	8-Aug-04/9:28 AM
How is this haiku?
Re: A Letter to You by QuirkyWonder	8-Aug-04/9:49 AM
You're preaching to the choir. (check pikced)
Re: Sinistral Defenses by Scarlet_Raindrops x	12-Aug-04/11:08 PM
Good last lines.
Re: Mr. Stryker, Do You Really Want Some Kind of War? by cat	13-Aug-04/4:22 PM
Its better than an -8- but I believe the last three lines have a rewrite in their future(Only if you're looking for a -10-). Don't let Z bother you. When he's serious, he's good. When he's f-ing with your head, he's great.
Re: I Love You Mildred Rogers No Matter What by cat	13-Aug-04/4:28 PM
I like glasses. I spill less than when drinking straight from the still.
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-04/4:30 PM
You spoil your husband's dinner?
regarding some deleted poem...	13-Aug-04/4:34 PM
I hate Haiku poems. This one is better than most.It sucks and swallows.
regarding some deleted poem...	14-Aug-04/8:14 AM
Better on the second read. I think a line break before the dialog would make it a -10- for me. Last week he saw the his old Uni Football team on the local news, Desmond’s rushing record had been broken, “I was better than that guy,” said Desmond. “Yeah you were,” said the bartender. or "I was better than that guy," said Desmond. The bartender turned away and said, "Yeah, you Were." or What am I doing here, playing Clue? Dan killed the poem on the website with his keyboard.
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	16-Aug-04/9:24 AM
Imagery reminiscent of Sandburg? Are you a sandburger? -9-
Re: Inquietude by klosterfobik	16-Aug-04/9:41 AM
"How about the little blue pill of the protracted night?" JK To me the center of the poem is: "And I awaken to the dim hum of my room's quiet seclusion, And wonder where she sleeps tonight, Wonder why our eager joining went so wrong, Wonder if her delicate sweetness was ever given for free?" It's never free, but it can sometimes be reasonable. -9-
Re: The Finger of my Mind by sliver	17-Aug-04/7:47 AM
Evocative. Good use of dark, quiet images.
Re: Lonelier than you- by samuel sturgeon	17-Aug-04/7:50 AM
I felt just like this once...a couple of times.
Re: Guilt Trip by thepinkbunnyofdoom	17-Aug-04/8:10 AM
Lyrics are tough to rate because of the singsong nature of the meter and the rhyme. I think it would work as long as Bono or Sting don't sing it.
Re: My Swarthy Bane by MacFrantic	17-Aug-04/8:15 AM
Death looks like my ex-mother-in-law to me. But each of us has our own boogie(sic) man we see, now that Rick James is dead.