Re: The Last Stop by Quiet-Ralph	15-Sep-03/4:00 PM
"with every raising of the sun A new ray of hope was given" sounds too trite, too cliched. I like the equating of getting on and off a bus with life in general, final last stop being death- should work on this poem more, neat idea here.
Re: levered 'n loved by A. Nomaly	15-Sep-03/4:04 PM
Felt it was a good beginning, makes one point but not enough there to really grab me and keep my interest
Re: Broken Child by Artemis745	15-Sep-03/4:14 PM
This has some very nice imagery, some nice lines- but it is not all that clear a poem- interesting you divide one word -overlooking- into 2 words- I do see 2 errors in grammar- I assume ghost should be plural (ghosts) and adults needs an apostrophe at the end of it: adults' game. The first phrase is a bit offputting- using "but" there sounds pretentious. "I AM a broken child" is more direct and hardhitting, I think. Explaining why it is a sea of "great minds" would be good- otherwise,it is very unclear. However, there is potential here, worth working on more.
Re: Breathe by Artemis745	15-Sep-03/4:17 PM
Nice image, enjoyed this! I like that you picked one immage and developed it with CONSISTENCY.
Re: Blood by Artemis745	15-Sep-03/4:21 PM
Didn't get the allusion to "thy sight" - and blood dripping down and then going "up" to heaven I found confusing- The first part- ending at the line "out stepping intangible boundaries" does not mesh well with rest of poem. Seem like 2 separate parts that do not go together well.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:38 PM
Good "slice of life."
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:39 PM
Some very memorable lines, good poem. Strong ending.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:42 PM
Strikes me as pretentious in part- Not clear about the meaning of many of the lines.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:44 PM
Dealing with a heavy subject, but in a very silly way. Oh Well!
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:47 PM
Cutesy! I enjoyed it!
Re: They who would have me forget by BleedingRose	2-Dec-03/2:48 PM
The real feeling comes through. It comes across as a bit trite, but still heart-felt.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:51 PM
Interesting use of the platitude about if enough monkeys were to type long enough, sooner or later one would write Shakespeare.
regarding some deleted poem...	2-Dec-03/2:54 PM
Cutesy.
Re: thoughts and feelings (draft) by crwncka1	2-Dec-03/2:58 PM
A bit too dogmatic for my taste, but I give you points for staying on track with your theme throughout the whole poem.
Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:04 PM
Ahh! Cof-fee!
Re: selfhood, through extrospection by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:10 PM
And so you are! Kaolin Fire!
Re: The Sleep Fantastic by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:23 PM
Very sing-song. I hear the last verse as a loud chorus sung over and over!
Re: innocent voyeur by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:36 PM
Excellent stuff!
Re: do androids dream? by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:37 PM
Well said.
Re: clay or mud (hertz donut version) by nentwined	15-Jan-07/7:38 PM
An unfinished piece---