| Re: Fireflies by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:06 AM |
I love this
and you are USING the cliche "time immemorial" to signify itself, adn you evoke (intentionally?" soem Tennyson thing about bees - wotsit?? the murmur of innumerable bees"?? and there's "immemorial elms" somewhere too.
GREAT juxtapositon; get the joy of it, and the love of them
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| Re: Fun by paracetamol |
19-May-02/3:07 AM |
total rubbish
blue deliberately spelt that way not blow???
wonder where high mifght be for you.. maybe up to nearly level flat.... this is from a rut.
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| Re: Sweetness by swift_enterprises |
19-May-02/3:08 AM |
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| Re: Have you ever heard of William Carlost Williams 24 by notule |
19-May-02/3:09 AM |
no.
like the last line but...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-May-02/3:12 AM |
funny.
maybe you don't want to say anything ... :-))
"pick topics" sounds like a school essay situation, do you just think you ought to/wd like to "be a poet"?
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| Re: Impatience always backfires 913 by notule |
19-May-02/3:14 AM |
bunch of empty phrases sounding like wisdom; except of course
Like Spirograph tattoos
and the hem of his garment,
like Cake and Tool
that is COOL! what window is it?? where were you all the time?
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| Re: Sonnet For a Porn Star by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:19 AM |
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******* fantastic; you understand the forms you use, where's yer book Mike??
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| Re: #12 by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:22 AM |
nice combination of the disparate elements, and what they both are.. but not very very..... but i love
elm, undulating ...
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| Re: Fly by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:26 AM |
got it! great! a jewel, what a model, in 17 syllables you capture the whole of the being of this fly
and the difference from you - and there's a smile in it!!
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| Re: Pigeons at the end of winter by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:29 AM |
I agree with Aduren... you are a poet Mike no doubt for a second.
but this isn't up to your best .. the last two lines don't reach anywhere for me.. I love the first three!!! well, not quite .. I think it's the last line, it doesn't really resolve or say anything new. what a wonderful opening line especially though...
a pleasure to read you ..
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| Re: Summer Vacation by weeb |
19-May-02/3:31 AM |
Lovely,
makes me laugh.
the art of just how much to say and how to put it together; you stay on the tightrope and the result is a smile that goes on...
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| Re: #7 by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:35 AM |
lovely
my expectations of you are now no less
you melting here into clarity
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| Re: #11 by mikejedw |
19-May-02/3:37 AM |
so adept you are at packing the poem
as dialectic
this is another hit! thank you
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| Re: Louisiana Lovers by wdallan |
19-May-02/6:02 AM |
patchy...the rhythm comes and goes, not under cointrol .. sometimes 5 sometimes 4 stresses in a line
something really nice about it, a lazy afternoon, this well visioned clip... the colour, the mixed emotions, but oh dump cliches like "with fear and trepidation" "the lovers with joy to Heaven will march" --- there is going to be a better version of the last line than that
and "franticly bails" - not "franticly"... indeed better no advertb at all, unless it's an unpredictable one... a counter-theme
love them fishes
can a boat sink in a marsh?? or indeed sail in one??? is it a lake..???
they might be there in a moment, heaven I mean.....
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
19-May-02/6:29 AM |
well done!! I mean catching it, cutting it, conveying it...
and thank you. wonderful, every word chosen and used.
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| Re: Out Doubt! by wlshepherd |
19-May-02/6:32 AM |
what then, what do you want???
whjy wait to write this, who do you have to tell? why tease the reader?? what do you see that is this everything?????? is it still?
(vacillation by the way)
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| Re: Anger Management by wlshepherd |
19-May-02/6:35 AM |
not a poem; this is diary notes (to edit out in case of publication)
you feel mad SOMETIMES when you get angry..? how about those other times? they could be more interesting..not if you stay on the surface of nothing at all though
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| Re: Black Hearted Graffiti Writer by mogwai |
19-May-02/6:36 AM |
I like this
caught a movement of spirit
and watched it whirl
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| Re: To Anorexia, Wherever I May Find Her by JuddNelson |
19-May-02/6:39 AM |
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not very interesting, the thgouth is a cliche and so are many of the phrases .. "lethal precision". Prune .. images mixed smartly, just smart. smart and not deep.
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| Re: Conversation Unspoken by JuddNelson |
19-May-02/6:40 AM |
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