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Louisiana Lovers (Other) by wdallan The boat glides through the mire and cat o' tails,
The girl paddles against her fathers pressing pleas.
A leak springs so she frantically bails,
Water seeps around her ankles and knees.
With fear and trepidation her boy waits,
He remembers his special lover's sweetness.
They have pledged to always be loving mates;
The bayou bubbles with muggy hotness.
She reflects on her father's urgent wishes:
"Please don't ruin your life with that con-man."
Her toes are bitten by little fishes,
As her love jumps in to save his woman.
The boat sinks to the bottom of the marsh,
The lovers with joy to Heaven will march.
Up the ladder:
My Tongue ..... and God
Down the ladder:
Alone
Votes: (green: user, blue: anonymous)
Arithmetic Mean: 3.8125
Posted: May 13, 2002 6:06 AM PDT; Last modified: May 13, 2002 6:06 AM PDTWeighted score: 3.9540534 Overall Rank: 13410 Comments:
patchy...the rhythm comes and goes, not under cointrol .. sometimes 5 sometimes 4 stresses in a line
something really nice about it, a lazy afternoon, this well visioned clip... the colour, the mixed emotions, but oh dump cliches like "with fear and trepidation" "the lovers with joy to Heaven will march" --- there is going to be a better version of the last line than that and "franticly bails" - not "franticly"... indeed better no advertb at all, unless it's an unpredictable one... a counter-theme love them fishes can a boat sink in a marsh?? or indeed sail in one??? is it a lake..??? they might be there in a moment, heaven I mean.....
Wow, this could have been good.
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by Lee Chesnut (leechesnut@yahoo.com)
The light of truth shines too brightly
How to soften harsh rays of reality
Shield my eyes from the glare
Of the pain reflected from an intimate stare
There is no safety in this illumination
Turning away
Fear
Self preservation
Oh, the beauty of not having to know
The luscious darkness
The allure of low
My love affair with fantasy keeps me alive
Visions turned real
I jumped
Wouldn't dive
A treasure chest of miracles could've been mine
Frightened away by serpents benign
Imaginary enemies
Threatening what is safe
An illusion of pain
A loss of faith