hoopoe19 May 2002

patchy...the rhythm comes and goes, not under cointrol .. sometimes 5 sometimes 4 stresses in a line

something really nice about it, a lazy afternoon, this well visioned clip... the colour, the mixed emotions, but oh dump cliches like "with fear and trepidation" "the lovers with joy to Heaven will march" --- there is going to be a better version of the last line than that
and "franticly bails" - not "franticly"... indeed better no advertb at all, unless it's an unpredictable one... a counter-theme

love them fishes


can a boat sink in a marsh?? or indeed sail in one??? is it a lake..???


they might be there in a moment, heaven I mean.....