replying on Decks of Cards (So Long to the City) by wilco
6 Jun 2004, 2:49 PM
The old problem of eugenics. The fit, they think they have nothing to fear, but anyone existing at any point in time will eventually be rid of themselves as their own perfection is polarised in future generations. May I introduce the concept of perfect +1 at this point.
replying on Dear M Foucault, or, How I knew our relationship was doomed by zodiac
20 Apr 2004, 9:35 AM
Earlier today you wrote a less than eloquent poeme about what a set of wasters poemranker residents were. You have spent since then voting low scores on everybody.
What the hell is that [all about].
What the hell is that [all about].
replying on Keeper of Faces by annabellee
9 Feb 2004, 10:43 AM
Do you mean "the rest is quite good, zippy", should be in quotation marks because it is a line I have plagiarised from george or bungal?
on Keeper of Faces by annabellee
9 Feb 2004, 10:28 AM
The end is trite. The idea that yes there is a meaning to life is one which you can not adequately defend.
The rest of it is quite good, zippy.
The rest of it is quite good, zippy.
on Keeper of Faces by annabellee
9 Feb 2004, 10:27 AM
wherefore art thou guilded age of long ago?
replying on After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac
9 Feb 2004, 10:24 AM
The first two lines of this are made up of a premise, and a question predicated on given premise ---> pause
It is not unreasonable for the reader to make the same pause at the end of the second two lines.
Also as the brain organises stimuli together, things that rhyme will also tend towards forming their own discrete block.
The combination of expecting a couplet, line break and rhyme really do I think signal to the reader, end.
I can read it better if sunk starts the fifth line.
It is not unreasonable for the reader to make the same pause at the end of the second two lines.
Also as the brain organises stimuli together, things that rhyme will also tend towards forming their own discrete block.
The combination of expecting a couplet, line break and rhyme really do I think signal to the reader, end.
I can read it better if sunk starts the fifth line.
replying on The Mocking Bird by Caducus
8 Feb 2004, 2:12 PM
as ever
on The Mocking Bird by Caducus
8 Feb 2004, 2:11 PM
As sun is the same colour of jaundice, it is unlikely to take it away, just a thought.
The hand around finger bit at the start is a nice touch to tell the reader you are talking about a baby.
good
The hand around finger bit at the start is a nice touch to tell the reader you are talking about a baby.
good
on After the ice season ~ shamelessly lewd revision by zodiac
8 Feb 2004, 2:03 PM
Good, a few nits.
Lines 4-9 seem choppy compared to the rest. I am not sure carrying on a sentence on the next line when you have just rhymes drunk with sunk works.
For me the sunk rhyme stops the piece before the new line.
Lines 4-9 seem choppy compared to the rest. I am not sure carrying on a sentence on the next line when you have just rhymes drunk with sunk works.
For me the sunk rhyme stops the piece before the new line.
replying on Fastened to my belt by irishfolksuicide
27 Jan 2004, 3:05 PM
The contrition is the remorse shown by the first person 'I', towards the priest.
on Kernel of truth by annabellee
27 Jan 2004, 1:23 PM
Try with a couple of startling images. Otherwise the poem is quite difficult to grasp. Not badly written.
on My Life As a Single Teenage Girl by Princess_Snowflake
27 Jan 2004, 1:21 PM
Older enough to do it is not grammatical. Try stopping the haiku at 'until I'm older' only 23 syllables then.
replying on Captain Cannibal by Lenore
27 Jan 2004, 10:07 AM
That is to say, you did not invent literacy, neither did you invent rhyme or alliteration or enjambment. All of these help you to write a poem, on what grounds do you think education can teach you no more?
replying on Captain Cannibal by Lenore
27 Jan 2004, 9:50 AM
on Sissy Faggot by Shardik
27 Jan 2004, 7:58 AM
peter is always such a coy word to use, nice juxtaposition with wipes it on me.
on We Need To Buy Socks, Michael by Fear of Garbage
27 Jan 2004, 7:53 AM
Afraid I could not work out the last two lines. Which is a shame because the poem built up well.
replying on Under a better bed wetter by Shardik
27 Jan 2004, 7:48 AM
neither I do?