Comments byINTRANSIT, 141–160 back. Include replies

on some deleted poem 19 Apr 2006, 11:43 AM
Typo line 5?
on Inbetween Lovers/Blueprint by Ranger 7 Apr 2006, 12:41 PM
Salute!
on Another quarter. by richa 17 Apr 2006, 6:12 AM
rides (comma) sticks? and cuts/clips? thst's it for my nits.
on Wind By Any Other Name by Edna Sweetlove 12 Oct 2006, 7:34 AM
Still at it I see.
on Morning City by Jack Diamond 7 Apr 2006, 11:18 AM
panaderia is better. but while you're getting nutty about laid, why not leid.
on 311006 txt to russia by daniella 3 Nov 2006, 6:42 AM
Just -Text to russia- would work. I'd go with less nature oriented scheme.

New end: You unfold me in the morning. This could see a ten easy.
on some deleted poem 9 Apr 2006, 7:48 AM
Look? Listen? of course. that's what we do. drop 'em.
Majestical bugs me.

after- and we- could use a comma
9.5
I'd like to know what this assholes problem is. (the driver of the car) And it's too wordy for my tastes. This one could do away with the formal stanzas.

Say, what other poetry sites are y'all using these days?
What is working for who and why.
on Poem for Mahmuth by Dental Panic 3 Nov 2006, 6:36 AM
Shit. I liked the sadder wiser beers. Fuck. Has everyone out-read me here, too? Love the sounds. If it matters 10.
is cukoo there for a reason or just to signify craziness. I think it may better the poem to research birds and find something that emphasizes what you are trying to say. I'm barely learning how to be specific myself so, use salt. 28
on Bagni di Lucca by Sasha 8 Nov 2006, 6:12 AM
Ranger, Howl? Why the eights?
on some deleted poem 12 Oct 2006, 1:50 PM
This starts to move at line four.
melt not melted. anasthetic?
the ambulance was a mothers mother, no?

The end should loop back to the beginning. Tinker with it. It's in there.
on The Mandarin by Caducus 12 Oct 2006, 7:24 AM
Line one delete- to me and insert 2 dashes
same for line four (I wrote her) can go for two dashes.
Drop (noticing), drop laid,drop yet,drop and.

There's still something missing from the parts dealing with your father. Can't pinpoint it yet. Good to see you still plugging away. Fuckin' rough aint it?
on A Scientist’s Prayer by Dovina 10 Oct 2006, 7:35 AM
Would you like my 02?
on Innocence revisited by Caducus 10 Oct 2006, 7:39 AM
The only problem I have is (spastic).
Was this a group effort or a solo project?
on some deleted poem 10 Oct 2006, 7:49 AM
You're in good hands here, Mr Fugazi. Listen and keep those sleeves rolled up.
on Mid-July by Ranger 10 Oct 2006, 1:00 PM
Cheers!
on Fifteen by Dovina 20 Nov 2006, 4:36 PM
(new) downy mustache

something about the distant mountain folds- makes no sense to me. I'm assuming the pomegranate berries are your period/ovulation.

Why do you run and what exactly are you running from might flesh (no pun intended) this out .
on Celebrity by horus8 19 Nov 2006, 9:08 AM
Damn. Homeboy went off. Do you really want crits on this?