on some deleted poem
25 May 2005, 3:25 PM
Even cutting out the corniest parts didn't help this. GAH!
on some deleted poem
26 May 2005, 6:21 AM
Tempt eve with a better ace? Cheap. The end made my face go red.
on Star Studded Supermarket by [mojo]
26 May 2005, 6:30 AM
This is funny and worth the effort to iron out. My first thoughts are: lose stanza 10, the clouds. and go with the four line stanzas. Really! Do this ! Or else!
on Yesterdays testament by Caducus
26 May 2005, 7:55 AM
You read Plath? holy cow. I'd better give her a once over at least.
on Welcome To Croatia by Caducus
26 May 2005, 1:19 PM
"Where'd you go, Psycho-boy?"
"I felt like destroying something beautiful."
"I felt like destroying something beautiful."
on some deleted poem
26 May 2005, 12:58 PM
Trim this-> in the morning- you've already said it with -last night.
Reword the horoor flick line for more ooomph it works with your shadows.
The last stanza has all the material it needs. Groom it.
Reword the horoor flick line for more ooomph it works with your shadows.
The last stanza has all the material it needs. Groom it.
on some deleted poem
26 May 2005, 3:41 PM
I gotta look up Calaveras now. The poem ? A fresh engine that starts the first try.
on some deleted poem
26 May 2005, 6:26 PM
You are not our very own balcony-boy. And you keep a Capybara for a pet. So there.
on some deleted poem
26 May 2005, 7:34 PM
HEY! GOOBER! CHAT! NOW!
on some deleted poem
27 May 2005, 11:49 AM
Look up: On concerning loving onesself by D-G-B. enjoy.
on The secret press by zodiac
28 May 2005, 7:59 PM
Because Beta usually follows alpha or precedes -max, I have problem here. If it is an actual name for fact keeping purposes, then ignore this. When you said navel I thought she might be pregnant which would have worked as well but I didn't write it and there's nothing wrong with your choice.
If I was female, I'd be wrung. Metrics all the way.
If I was female, I'd be wrung. Metrics all the way.
on A soldiers life by closeup
31 May 2005, 7:10 AM
use the search key for: What you know - It might help,it might not.
on Acrylic French Nails by Dovina
31 May 2005, 7:16 AM
Maybe- My nails are green too. And a little brown. My garden is for everyone to enjoy.
Ok , too wordy maybe but I'm with Zodiac on the ending being a let down . You show us well with the deatiled nails and then tell us what you thought. You know better than that. Weed it, damnit.
Ok , too wordy maybe but I'm with Zodiac on the ending being a let down . You show us well with the deatiled nails and then tell us what you thought. You know better than that. Weed it, damnit.
on Life and Love by windyone
31 May 2005, 7:25 AM
Sorry, I don't buy symphony of dogs. The last line is a little too straightforward for me. Maybe a little backstory might be good like D says.
on The Symbol by Dovina
31 May 2005, 9:11 AM
I must've missed this while on the road. I got it, and think it's fine.
on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac
3 Jun 2005, 6:10 AM
The first seemed like notes scribbled tiredly so thought wouldn't be lost. This is mucho bene. Romance, religion, politicos, bullets, the true nature of all that is. These are honest tens I give.
Ok, here are my nits. Dangling hands and outward thumbs may be too descriptive. Does he really take your Hands? Or does he use your upper arms. Your breasts feel connected or do you? Unique line of womanhood sounds like he's got women all over the globe to me. The reality dream ending loses me, but I might not be reading it at the right speed there. Keep in mind there may be references in this that I just don't understand. Facing east for starters. I don't get it but I'm sure you're facing that way for a reason. I still like this heaps.