on Carte Blanche by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:31 AM
Love this. My -Bookends- may interest you.
on Soldier by kev_wannabe
3 Jun 2005, 6:35 AM
Yes, we know. And if the greater population all agreed to not show up for work until "our boys and girls" get sent home, well, the nation's gonna collapse either way.
on Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh
3 Jun 2005, 6:38 AM
CUT! CUT! Hold it. There's too much unnecessary stuff here. If you want the end-rhyme then GET the end rhyme. But Iron out the lines. Take a T-sqare to them and listen to the beats. You've got plenty to work with.
It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
on Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac
4 Jun 2005, 6:39 AM
last line typo.
on lawngazing by skaskowski
4 Jun 2005, 6:42 AM
I saw the broken bottles and mirror as stars. So I went down the romance path and then the skull stopped my treading.
on Vote Goats by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:32 AM
Unforunately, we've already been here. Save your breath for your writing.
on The world's shortest poem by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:34 AM
By Grapthars' Hammer.....I don't know.
on A Fool's Errand by ALChemy
4 Jun 2005, 8:29 AM
bleed their wrists seems cliche. the rest is true.
on some deleted poem
4 Jun 2005, 8:43 AM
Heather, the best advice i can give you at this point is: you live in a capital state for music. Absorb as much as you can, and, Pick up a copy of -Poetry for Dummies- (I'm not kidding, I have a copy myself), Realize that good poetry takes time and a lot of it. And finally, Write until you buttocks shrink to the size of your heels. Good luck.
on some deleted poem
6 Jun 2005, 8:23 AM
Its' so much fun to do things like -non sense-! I love splitting words or slamming them together to change meaning. Too fun.
To be overly technical:
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
on some deleted poem
18 Jun 2005, 10:07 AM
Ha! and later you'll get rolled for your wallet.
on the ten two eight tide by Mr Pig
18 Jun 2005, 10:24 AM
Howarya pig? This has such a great underlying rhythm that I think it should be turned up just a notch. Give it a form I think it'll be fine.
on A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree
20 Jun 2005, 4:30 PM
5and 11 are the pimpleyest. If you can fix those it's kosher with me.
on some deleted poem
24 Jun 2005, 2:04 PM
Flop-o-Rama! Need I score more?
on some deleted poem
24 Jun 2005, 2:08 PM
Yah. Needs another stanza to clue us in just a little more. Readjustment from container living must be hard. I now have some O'Hara with me. Can I have the combination please? He's giving me fits.
on Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk
24 Jun 2005, 2:20 PM
Funny. And excellent. And true.
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2005, 11:20 AM
Death as an orgasm'ng woman. That's what I got. Have trouble with the sutured woodwind though.