| Re: Soldier by kev_wannabe |
3-Jun-05/6:35 AM |
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Yes, we know. And if the greater population all agreed to not show up for work until "our boys and girls" get sent home, well, the nation's gonna collapse either way.
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| Re: Structure of a Woman by al-naafiysh |
3-Jun-05/6:38 AM |
CUT! CUT! Hold it. There's too much unnecessary stuff here. If you want the end-rhyme then GET the end rhyme. But Iron out the lines. Take a T-sqare to them and listen to the beats. You've got plenty to work with.
It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
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| Re: Wanted by Dovina |
3-Jun-05/7:35 AM |
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Done. and I found something while roaming the ranker halls. Let me get the address....
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| Re: Adibe's Song (third-time's-the-charm revision, less Spanish) by zodiac |
4-Jun-05/6:39 AM |
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| Re: lawngazing by skaskowski |
4-Jun-05/6:42 AM |
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I saw the broken bottles and mirror as stars. So I went down the romance path and then the skull stopped my treading.
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| Re: A Fool's Errand by ALChemy |
4-Jun-05/8:29 AM |
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bleed their wrists seems cliche. the rest is true.
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| Re: Carte Blanche by ALChemy |
4-Jun-05/8:31 AM |
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Love this. My -Bookends- may interest you.
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| Re: Vote Goats by ALChemy |
4-Jun-05/8:32 AM |
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Unforunately, we've already been here. Save your breath for your writing.
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| Re: The world's shortest poem by ALChemy |
4-Jun-05/8:34 AM |
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By Grapthars' Hammer.....I don't know.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
4-Jun-05/8:43 AM |
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Heather, the best advice i can give you at this point is: you live in a capital state for music. Absorb as much as you can, and, Pick up a copy of -Poetry for Dummies- (I'm not kidding, I have a copy myself), Realize that good poetry takes time and a lot of it. And finally, Write until you buttocks shrink to the size of your heels. Good luck.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
6-Jun-05/8:23 AM |
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Its' so much fun to do things like -non sense-! I love splitting words or slamming them together to change meaning. Too fun.
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| Re: on my hog by nentwined |
8-Jun-05/6:51 AM |
To be overly technical:
Three chambered kabooms? Harleys have two cylinders unless the sound is the 3 syllabled Po-ta-to sound . Yes, the approach is confusing. Maybe you don't need one. I'm just haranguessing you. I should talk, I ride a 95 Nighthawk which makes no such audible safety noises.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
18-Jun-05/10:07 AM |
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Ha! and later you'll get rolled for your wallet.
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| Re: the ten two eight tide by Mr Pig |
18-Jun-05/10:24 AM |
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Howarya pig? This has such a great underlying rhythm that I think it should be turned up just a notch. Give it a form I think it'll be fine.
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| Re: Kiss Me by smiffy84 |
18-Jun-05/3:25 PM |
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Sounds like an over excited guinea pig humping its food bowl.
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| Re: A Message from my Dreams by Joshua_Tree |
20-Jun-05/4:30 PM |
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5and 11 are the pimpleyest. If you can fix those it's kosher with me.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Jun-05/2:04 PM |
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Flop-o-Rama! Need I score more?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
24-Jun-05/2:08 PM |
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Yah. Needs another stanza to clue us in just a little more. Readjustment from container living must be hard. I now have some O'Hara with me. Can I have the combination please? He's giving me fits.
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| Re: Yard Birds by Bankrupt_Word_Clerk |
24-Jun-05/2:20 PM |
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Funny. And excellent. And true.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
3-Jul-05/11:20 AM |
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Death as an orgasm'ng woman. That's what I got. Have trouble with the sutured woodwind though.
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