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Structure of a Woman (Free verse) by al-naafiysh
I am a complex structure With no fancy architecture When my architect built me He already knew what I would be I was built to love and understand And to achieve and demand He built me durable and resistant And able to cope with or without assistance Resistant to those who want me to fail And accepting to those who want to see me prevail He built me with the ability to accept what I can not change And to explore what may seem foreign or strange He gave me the gift of Creativity and Versatility Along with Endurance and Humility But I come with No-Warranty Because I am only human So there is no guarantee My lessons will be trial and error And my inspiration will be what I see in the mirror

Up the ladder: Three things
Down the ladder: Staying Alive

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Arithmetic Mean: 3.6666667
Weighted score: 4.8410625
Overall Rank: 10724
Posted: June 3, 2005 6:34 AM PDT; Last modified: June 3, 2005 6:34 AM PDT
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Comments:
[4] INTRANSIT @ 64.12.116.197 | 3-Jun-05/6:38 AM | Reply
CUT! CUT! Hold it. There's too much unnecessary stuff here. If you want the end-rhyme then GET the end rhyme. But Iron out the lines. Take a T-sqare to them and listen to the beats. You've got plenty to work with.
It's not bad. Just far from what it can be.
[7] Dovina @ 69.175.32.185 | 3-Jun-05/10:34 AM | Reply
But I think you do have fancy architecture.

It's sad that being built to love and understand, we're often hating and misunderstanding.
[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. @ 80.47.115.191 | 9-Jul-07/10:12 AM | Reply
"Nothing is more deceitful," said Darcy, "than the appearance of humility. It is often only carelessness of opinion, and sometimes an indirect boast."

In your case, I'd say it's the indirect boast. But that aside, Womens always fancy themselves as "complex" creatures. The reality, I'm afraid, is heavily laden with shame: http://tinyurl.com/2bxrqo
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