on To The Modern Black Standard by ALChemy
7 Nov 2005, 3:13 PM
wow. I'm waaaaaay off. I thought it was a litany against blacks! HA! I gotta get out more.
on Bluegrass Blueshield by T. Jonathron Remp
7 Nov 2005, 3:20 PM
What's the Johnson-wax effect, then?
on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
7 Nov 2005, 3:21 PM
Where's my kick on credit?
on Sonata for Robin and Poet by Dovina
9 Nov 2005, 2:41 PM
I like it , except that, alert and plum seems redundant within the line.
on some deleted poem
12 Nov 2005, 4:02 PM
cutting.
on some deleted poem
12 Nov 2005, 4:08 PM
stop. and begin again. no but thre's plenty to use here. First things first. Be more sure of what you are saying. no maybes.
on some deleted poem
12 Nov 2005, 4:55 PM
The -dying dryly in my mouth- makes me think of eating leaves. Something I have not done since I was a youth. And I did not like it then.
on some deleted poem
6 Dec 2005, 7:08 AM
As long as you keep writing, (unlike me) you can do no wrong.
on Irish Holliday by Dovina
6 Dec 2005, 7:04 AM
Consider yourself luckey. Santa might have sent you the Snuggle bear. Or a Lobster.
on Train of Thought by Sisterwolf
26 Dec 2005, 8:03 PM
Hmm. Periods, maybe. But without them it reads more like a child. Since it was a childs memory, this is ok by me. Periods would make it seem written more maturely, maybe too intently. Sorry I can't reach both ends of my shoelace this eve.
on Ennui by Sisterwolf
28 Dec 2005, 7:51 AM
And, on we go. Nice clean-up. I personally would not mind if you stayed.
on some deleted poem
26 Dec 2005, 3:28 PM
Delete or alter (shorten) the closer.
on For Love of Baseball by Dovina
28 Dec 2005, 7:46 AM
'mernin. I was too tired too read this last night. This morning is much better. I'm having trouble with the homerun. These days, homers happen all the time. Unless you're making a sexual refrence.
on a cordial greeting by calliope
28 Dec 2005, 8:01 AM
the poison/blowgun/darts part needs redone. I think finding another image would be better. The last line jingles, perhaps another path to try.
on Memoirs of a miners son by Caducus
29 Dec 2005, 6:26 AM
Good good good good good. Anvil eyed. Daimler. Could you make it longer? Seems shor for memoirs. 9.5
on My Christmas Gift by celticskatermatt1
29 Dec 2005, 6:35 AM
I'll echo the six. Read this aloud to yourself and you'll be able to fix it easily.
on some deleted poem
29 Dec 2005, 2:22 PM
Incorrect. the warnings say nothing about falling off or causing laughter. up your alley!